


Would You Be So Kind? (And Give Back My Heart?)

by clownchronicles



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Brian May, Bisexual Roger Taylor, Crying, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, I’m going down with this ship, M/M, Poor Brian, They’re SO DUMB, but so cute, dumb boys in love, freddie is a good fucking friend, he struggles so much, john is the best as always, like maybe a lot, mainly from Brian, there is lots of crying, they are also dumb and in love, why are bisexuals constantly in panics ??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:48:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26455162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clownchronicles/pseuds/clownchronicles
Summary: Brian isn’t exactly sure when it happened. Isn’t able to pinpoint the exact moment. Did it happen as soon as they first met? Or maybe it happened when he heard him play for the first time during their days in Smile with Tim. Or maybe it happened when he first flashed Brian that bright and cheeky grin that made nearly everyone who managed to see it swoon and fall to his feet.Well, whenever the moment was, didn’t really matter. All that matters is that it happened. Brian fell in love.More importantly, he fell in love with Roger Taylor, drummer of a little band called Queen as well as his best friend in the entire world.And it scared Brian shitless.ORThe one where Brian is in love with Roger and nearly destroys himself in the process. But of course, Roger loves him just as much.
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 39
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo, welcome to my new story because i’m incapable of finishing everything else! i wrote this one night when i couldn’t sleep and it was originally planned to be a one shot but it was like 30k words long and a lot was all over the place so i’m making it a multi chapter and cleaning it up. i really hope u enjoy this, i put a lot into it. enjoy!

Brian isn’t exactly sure when it happened. Isn’t able to pinpoint the exact moment. Did it happen as soon as they first met? Or maybe it happened when he heard him play for the first time during their days in Smile with Tim. Or maybe it happened when he first flashed Brian that bright and cheeky grin that made nearly everyone who managed to see it swoon and fall to his feet.

Well, whenever the moment was, didn’t really matter. All that matters is that it happened. Brian fell in love.

More importantly, he fell in love with Roger Taylor, drummer of a little band called Queen as well as his best friend in the entire world.

And it scared Brian shitless.

“I’m just saying, it would sound better if you played it like this!”

“Are you mad? If I play it like that, it’s too bloody slow! It ruins the whole song!” 

Currently, they were all in their private studio at Ridge Farm, trying to finish up recordings for this upcoming album, A Night At The Opera. Things had been going smoothly until it came time to finish recording the rock section for Bohemian Rhapsody and Roger and Freddie had gotten into a spat about Roger’s drumming. 

“You’re not listening! I’m telling you, if you go like this - ” Freddie started, snatching Roger’s drumsticks out of his hands and tried to tap out the beat stuck in his head onto the table below. Unfortunately, due to Freddie’s lack of skills with the instrument, the rhythm came out sloppy and offbeat. Not at all what he could hear in his head. 

Roger narrowed his eyes at the singer as he watched him struggle. “Do you even know what the hell you’re doing?” 

Freddie gave him a glare and held up a finger to shush him, trying to work out the beat once again. The blond threw his arms up in the air, huffing loudly in annoyance while John and Brian simply watched the whole scene play out from the couch. Eventually, John had heard enough of the two bickering back and forth and moved to stand, taking his coat with him. 

“I need a break. Make sure they haven’t killed each other by the time I get back.” He said to Brian before walking out of the studio. Brian watched him leave and sighed, realizing he would have to be the one to bring peace between the other two.

“Well than, let’s ask Brian what he thinks.” He looked up when he heard his name, coming to find the other two were already staring at him, waiting for his opinion on the situation.

“Well?” Roger asked after a few moments of silence. 

Brian sat there for a few moments, staring at the two men while debating on what to say. Agreeing with one would just piss off the other and to be frank, he really didn’t want to deal with anymore drama. But then he saw the way Roger was staring at him, silently pleading with those big blue eyes of his for Brian to agree with him, to take his side and tell Freddie that his tune was perfect and that he was mad for trying to change it.

How could he say no? 

“I think.. the first tune is good, the one Rog played.” He nodded and watched as Roger grinned and laughed in satisfaction, while Freddie huffed and threw the drumsticks down. 

“Of course you agree with him.” He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head, frowning at them both. “Fine, we’ll keep the first tune. But I’m adding some different notes for my singing.” 

Roger and Brian both rolled their eyes. “Of course you are. Everything always has to be perfect, right Fred?” Roger teased while placing his drumsticks in the little pouch connected to his drum stand. 

“You’re absolutely right, darling.” He replied, blowing a kiss to both men before grabbing his notebook filled with lyrics and moving towards the studio door. “I’ll be in the other room, writing at the piano. Have fun dears.” With that, he left and Brian and Roger were now left alone.

“Bye Fred.” Brian called out softly, watching the door shut before glancing over at the blond. He was busy messing with a loose string on his shirt and it made Brian smile faintly, looking down at his guitar to try and hide it. 

“Thanks for that.” He snapped his head up at the voice, giving a confused look.

“For what?” 

Roger grinned. “For agreeing with me. I knew you’d have my back.” 

Brian blushed softly and shrugged a shoulder, glancing back down shyly.

“Thought your tune was better.” 

He heard Roger hum in response before he moved to sink down onto the couch next to him. He felt the couch shift and felt Roger press close to him,  much too close  while he slung a loose arm around Brian’s shoulders.

“Well, I’m glad you thought so.” He whispered, resting his head against his shoulder and Brian had to do his absolute best not to combust right then and there. He was sure that his cheeks was as red as his guitar, his entire face feeling as though it were burning. The room was beginning to feel very hot, much too hot for his liking and he had to inhale and then let out a slow breath to make sure he didn’t die from lack of air.

“You doing anything tonight?” Roger asked suddenly, giving Brian a gentle nudge. He wasn’t.

“Sleeping, maybe. Why?” 

“Fred and John were talking about getting drinks tonight. Sorta like a celebratory night out for getting most of the recording done today. How’s it sound?”

“I don’t know, I was really planning on sleeping - ”

”Oh come on, Brian.” Roger gave a light slap to his chest, his lips set in a pout. “You need to go out more. Don’t be such an old man.” 

“I am not an old man.” Brian argued, but the idea of staying home to probably just read a book and then go to sleep  did make him sound like the boring one of the group. 

“Oh, really?” Roger scoffed, a teasing smile hinting on his lips. “Please come? It won’t be the same without you. Besides, who else am I gonna tease Fred with? John will be too shitfaced to know his own name. I need you there, Bri.” 

Roger wanted him to come. Roger  needed him to come. Really, how could Brian say no? 

He pressed his lips in a firm line before letting out a sigh of defeat, giving a short nod. “Oh, alright.” 

Roger cheered for the second time that day, knowing he would eventually get his way. Brian almost always let him have his way becuase he was so stupidly in love with him and loved seeing his face light up like a little kid whenever he got what he wanted. 

“You’re not such an old man after all!” He snickered, earning a light shove from Brian.

“Old man.” He teased again.

“Shove it.” 

Roger just laughed at him and rested his back in its previous place, staring up at Brian with a happy glint in his eyes and a happy smile on his lips. Brian returned the smile. 

Just then, the door opened up and John walked back in, his face now more relaxed as the tense furrow in his brow was now gone.

“Is everyone alive?”

Brian smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah, I managed to keep them from ripping each other’s throats out.” 

“I can see that. What a hero.” John replied happily, Roger giggling from where he sat curled up next to Brian.

“Good news, Brian’s decided to join us for drinks tonight.” 

John raised his eyebrows. “Really? That’s good.” He sent a smile to Brian and the guitarist nodded. 

“Roger bullied me into saying yes.” He sighed, yelping softly when he felt a sharp pinch on his arm.

“I did not bully you, liar! I simply convinced you.”

“You called me an old man. Multiple times.” 

“Well, you’re not as old as Deaky.” He snickered at the bassist who rolled his eyes and shook his head, muttering something to himself.

“Maybe I should’ve agreed with Freddie on the situation.” 

That made Roger sit up and gape at him, his mouth falling open while the other man’s face lit up in amusement.“Oh, you don’t mean that.” 

Brian shrugged and gave him a look of faux innocence. “Maybe I do.”

“Traitor.” Roger grumbled before they all burst into a fit of silly giggles.

Later on that evening, as the band made their way into the pub, laughing about a joke one of them had made, they all immediately scrambled to the bar and prepared for a long night of alcohol and laughter. 

Brian didn’t plan on drinking too much tonight, at least one of them had to be sober enough to drive them all home that night so he had volunteered to be that someone. He hadn’t really planned on drinking much in the first place.

Roger, on the other hand, had plans to get as absolutely smashed as he could, ignoring the fact that he would have a raging hangover the following morning. 

As he and Freddie ordered a round of vodka shots to down in one go, Brian ordered a simple Scotch while John set next to him and ordered a beer. 

The next few hours or so was spent with them drinking and talking. But mostly drinking. By now, Roger and Freddie were both absolutely drunk out of their minds with John becoming slightly tipsy as he slurred in his speech. Brian was still stone cold sober. 

He had been nursing on his second drink when he felt someone behind him rest their hand on his shoulder and he turned to see a familiar blond behind him, a crooked smile on his lips.

“Bri.” Roger murmured, his speech coming out slow and his eyes a bit unfocused as he tried his absolute best to keep steady eye contact with the brunette in front of him.

“Bri,” he repeated, a giggle leaving his lips. Brian swore it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. “Whatcha - Whatcha doin’?” 

Alright, he could play along. “Having a drink, Roger. What are you doing?” 

Roger giggled again. “‘M talking to you, duh.” 

Brian laughed softly and took another sip of his drink, watching as Roger stumbled to take the empty seat next to him, holding onto his shoulder for support. 

“Fr - Freddie and John are dancing.” He explained, pointing in the completely wrong direction of where the two men were. Brian looked out onto the dance floor and saw the two band mates dancing next to each other and laughing about something. 

“Seems like they’re having a good time.” 

Roger nodded. “Do you like to dance?” 

The question caught Brian slightly off guard. He was never a great dancer, his movements always a bit too awkward to feel or look natural, especially with his tall figure and lanky limbs.

“I’m not a good dancer.” 

“I didn’t ask that, I asked if you liked to.” The intoxicated blond spoke, raising his eyebrows and smirking. 

Brian rolled his eyes. “Not really. Because I’m not good at it.” 

Roger frowned at that. “Doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not. Just as long as you’re having fun. Come dance with me.” 

As much as he would love to, Brian would very much rather not embarrass himself in front of a crowd of people. He would very much rather not embarrass himself in front of Roger.

“Not tonight, Rog.” He declined, shaking his head.

The blond pouted. “No, don’t be like that. Come on, Bri. Let go for once! Don’t be so boring all the time!” 

Brian sighed and shook his head again. “No, Roger. I don’t wanna dance, sorry.” 

“Fine, be like that! Be boring! Continue being the old man you are! You know, this is why we wanted you to come tonight. You need to let loose, stop being so wound up all the time. You never want to do anything fun, you’re always finding reasons not to do something. It’s irritating. You’re so irritat - ”

”Roger.” Brian snapped, his gaze sharp as he gave the blond a warning face that told him to shut the fuck up. “Stop it. Shut up.” 

Roger shut up but continued sulking like a small child as he rested his chin in his head. Brian felt bad and looked down at his drink, suddenly not feeling the want to be there anymore. He was ready to go home now, he was tired and upset. Upset at himself for letting his insecurities get in the way of having a good time. 

“‘M sorry.” He heard the drummer murmur quietly next to him. He turned his head and watched as the blond stared sadly at the wall in front of them. 

“I shouldn’t of pushed you. You don’t have to dance if you don’t want to. I just thought we’d have a good time.” 

And Brian felt all his irritation and anger melt away because Roger was so sweet and understanding, and he looked like a kicked puppy because Brian got angry at him. He got angry and all he wanted to do was help Brian have a good time. 

“It’s alright, Rog. I appreciate it. I just...” 

“It’s okay.” Roger looked at him, placing his hand on Brian’s and squeezing it gently. “You don’t have to explain.” 

Brian let out a quiet sigh as he felt his cheeks heat up and his heart flutter at the feeling of Roger’s hand placed on his, his own hand momentarily reaching up to touch his. “Thanks.” 

“‘Course.” 

“I didn’t mean to ruin your night.” 

“You didn’t.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“As long as you’re here, it’s a good night.” 

Brian tried his hardest not to grin stupidly at that, momentarily ducking his head down to collect himself so Roger wouldn’t notice. Though the man was so intoxicated, he probably wouldn’t even realize. 

“It’s getting late. We should probably start heading back soon.” He looked up and caught Roger trying to sneakily steal his half drunken glass, his eyes going wide when he realized he had failed. 

Brian just laughed. “Go ahead.” 

Roger grinned cheekily before taking the glass and downing the drink in one gulp, smacking his lips in satisfaction. 

“Thanks. Now we can go home. Let’s get the others.” 

Both men moved to stand, Roger nearly falling flat on his face before Brian reached out to support him. The blond clinged to him tightly, wrapping his arm around his shoulder while the other clinged to his torso. Brian slipped his arm under Roger’s pits to keep him supported and both men made their way into the crowd of dancing people, everyone pressed against each other as their bodies moved in time with the band playing on stage. They maneuvered their way deeper into the dance floor in search of their missing friends only to find them pressed against one other with John’s head on Freddie’s shoulder while Freddie had his arms wrapped around the brunette’s waist. They didn’t seem to have a care in the world for who saw them like that.

Brian and Roger both exchanged glances before they made their way over to the other pair, John being the first to spot them and stepping away from Freddie, who grumbled in response. 

“We’re thinking it’s time to head back.” Brian shouted over the loud music, Roger yawning in his ear next to him.

“Already, darling? The fun has only just begun.” Freddie replied, sending a wink to John.

“It’s after one, Fred.” 

“Oh. Well, then I suppose.” 

Brian laughed at his friends. He truly felt like the sole parent of the group sometimes, caring after his three young children. 

“Let’s go.” He said before they all made their way off of the dance floor and back towards the entrance. Once they made it outside, they all stumbled their way towards the car where Brian fished through his pockets for the keys and unlocked the door so he could get to the driver’s seat. The rest of them climbed into the car with Freddie in the passenger seat and Roger and John sitting in the back. 

As he drove home, Brian listened as Freddie began to ramble about something totally random, he assumed something about his cats, and Roger and John fooled around like children in the back seat. 

“Mary thinks I spoil the cats too much. But honestly, they’re my  babies , how could I not?” Freddie continued to ramble on about it and Brian smiled to himself and just listened to all his friends chatter on the drive home. Once they made it back, they all immediately headed upstairs to their rooms to go to sleep, too tired to give anything but a mumbled ‘goodnight’ to each other. 

Slipping under the sheets of his far too squeaky bed, Brian let the events from earlier replay in his brain as he shut his eyes. He thought about the smiles Roger gave him and the way he clutched onto him for support and how he had tried so hard to get Brian to dance with him. He let the memories and the warm feeling in his chest and stomach lull him off to sleep, preparing for three hungover men tomorrow morning. 

A few weeks later, they had completely finished all recordings for their album and were on their way back to London where they would release it and then schedule for a future tour. Depending on how well the album did. They had high hopes for it. 

And they were right. Bohemian Rhapsody had shot to number one on the UK charts and the band were becoming incredibly well - known, their manager already in talk of scheduling them a world tour. 

“You hear that, boys? Number one! We’re number fucking one!” Freddie yelled, clapping gleefully as the rest of them all cheered and gave happy shouts.

“About goddamn time.” Roger sighed before turning to Brian and smiling. “Number one, Brian.” 

Brian smiled back. “It appears so.” 

That night, Brian laid in bed, unable to sleep. The excitement from their success still hadn’t worn off and it left him restless and unable to settle down. He hoped he would somehow fall asleep soon as it was going on three in the morning. 

That’s when the phone rang, the unexpected noise startling him from his daze and he slowly sat up, picking up the phone and pressing the receiver to his ear.

“Hello?” He asked quietly, his brows furrowed in confusion.

Who the hell could be calling him at three in the morning?

“Brian? Hey.” Roger’s soft voice flooded through and he let out a sigh of relief, glad to hear that it was simply his friend and not some weird telemarketer. Did they phone this late? He wouldn’t put it past them. 

“Rog?” What was the blond doing up at this hour? 

“The one and only. Sorry, did I wake you? Shit, I didn’t mean to - ”

“No, you’re fine.” Brian cut him off. “I couldn’t sleep. What are you doing awake though?” 

“Couldn’t sleep either. Still too worked up about earlier. Thought I’d give you a call.” 

“You thought you would call me at three in the morning?” 

“Uh - Well - Yes? That’s what I’m doing, aren’t I? Besides, I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

Brian’s heart stuttered in his chest. “Oh? What.. what about?” 

There was silence on the other end for a moment and Brian wondered if Roger has possibly fallen asleep. The blond always had the strange habit of quickly falling asleep wherever he was. But then that thought was thrown out the window as he spoke again.

“You remember back when we were in Smile with Tim and were playing all those small gigs across the city?” 

Brian twisted his face up. Why was he talking about this? 

“Yeah. Why are you bringing it up?” 

“Well, when we weren’t playing those shitty gigs, we would sit down and talk. Talk about the future. Where we would have a number one song and the world knew our names. Where we were in the best rock band on the entire fucking planet and had more money than we knew what to do with.” 

Oh. Brian remembered those conversations. They had known later on that Smile most likely wasn’t going to take off anytime soon, no matter how hard they tried. He and Roger would usually sit in the van and talk about their dreams of becoming successful musicians in a successful band. Even when Tim left, they continued to have those conversations. It always formed butterflies in his stomach from knowing that Roger always imagined Brian with him in the future, Brian was in his bright future of success and fame. Especially because Roger was always in his as well.

“Bri? You there?”

He blinked, realizing he had spaced out and left Roger with no answer, immediately clearing his throat and nodding as if the blond could see him.

“Yeah - Yeah, I’m here. Sorry, I got lost in thought for a second.” 

“Oh good. I thought you had fallen asleep on me.”

“Well, you know old men like me do have their bedtimes.” 

He heard Roger laugh softly on the other end before speaking. “Yes, they do. What were you thinking about?”

“Just.. about what you were saying. Us. Back when we were in college.” 

“When we were losers?” 

“We’re still losers.” Brian replied flatly.

Roger snorted. “Yeah. But we’re losers with a number one single.” 

Brian chuckled and had to admit he had a point. “You’re not wrong there.” 

“Yeah..” He could practically hear Roger smiling on the other end. “I just got to thinking back to those conversations. We always talked about this. This moment right here, our success. And look at us now - We did it, Bri. You and me.”

Brian felt the familiar flutter in his heart and he let out a soft puff of air. “Freddie and Deacy helped as well.”

“Yeah, they did. But still, this was  our dream. Us doing it together. And we did. I’m proud of us, Brimi. There’s no other person I’d wanna do this with.” 

Brian nearly melted into a puddle right then and there from the words and he felt a warmth spread throughout his chest. Roger wanted to share his dream with  Brian , and no one else. He was special. Special to Roger. If only the blond knew just how special he was to him as well.

“I feel the same way, Rog. You’re the only person I could imagine doing this with. Knowing we did it together makes it so much more special. I’m proud of us too.” 

Roger was quiet for a moment and Brian wondered if he had said too much. Then, he heard rustling on the other end that sounded like Roger was moving around in his bed.

“Here’s to you and me. And making our dream come true.” Roger whispered and Brian closed his eyes for a moment, letting the words sink in. 

“To us, Roggie.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter came out way longer than i intended but i suppose u guys won’t mind that. roger and bri get a bit close in this chapter (;

A few weeks later and the boys were preparing for their tour. Due to the massive success from the album, they thought it was best to go on tour as soon as possible, the four of them ready to get back on the road and perform. 

“Try not get sick on us again, got it Bri?” Freddie said as he stepped away from the mic and over to the guitarist. 

Shuddering at the memory of when he had nearly lost his arm, and his  life, from the hepatitis, Brian spoke, “Don’t plan on it. I never want to go through that again.” 

“Better not. You had us all scared shitless the last time.” Roger piped up from where he sat behind his drum kit. Brian took note in the way he hair stuck to his face, skin sweaty from the amount of practice they had just done. Seven songs and two drum solos. His breath was momentarily knocked out of him. 

He was brought back down to earth when he heard John’s voice from the other side of the stage. “Imagine how he felt. He was the one who was nearly dying.” 

Brian winced at the memory and thought back to when he had been lying in the hospital, his body feeling as though it was moments away from giving up and the fear set in his heart of the others cutting him from the group. Of course, that wasn’t the case and they reassured him that he was irreplaceable and they could never leave him behind like that. It had made him feel a bit better as he healed over time. 

“But he made it through. Just like we knew he would. Our brave guitarist.” Freddie cooed, leaning up to press a kiss to Brian’s cheek. Brian blushed at the words and let his hand rest on Freddie’s shoulder. 

“Thanks Fred.” He smiled bashfully which caused Freddie to giggle and wink at him.

“Of course, darling. Now - ” he clapped his hands. “Back to work everyone!” 

They all groaned in response and as he moved to set up again, Brian glanced up just in time to see Roger’s heated gaze that followed Freddie before his eyes flickered over to Brian. He wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not, he probably was, but it almost looked as if Roger was.. jealous. He couldn’t study his face for very long because as soon as Roger caught sight of Brian staring at him, he quickly looked down, clearing his throat awkwardly as he set up to play again. 

Strange. 

As soon as it comes time for them to head to America for the North American leg of the tour, the boys are wandering through the airport to head to security so they can board their private plane that was waiting for them in a closed off section of the airport. Closed off specifically for them and it them feel like true rockstars.

They had already finished with the European leg, so now they were off to the US. They were all fairly excited to make a return to the country as the fans were friendly towards them, especially towards Freddie, and always had great energy during the concerts. Since they had to leave early from the last tour, they were glad to be able to return a second time. 

Once they were all on board, with John and Freddie sitting together and then Roger and Brian taking their seats together on the other side, they all settled in and chatted quietly while they waited for the plane to take off.

As soon as it did and they were in the air, Brian pulled out a book that he brought along with him to read during the long flight ahead. He opened it to the first page and focused his eyes on the small words in front of him, ready to lose himself in the story.

He was barely a paragraph in when he felt something poke him in the shoulder. More like  someone . Ignoring it, he continued reading, only getting another paragraph in before he felt another poke. 

He looked over to find Roger staring at him, a curious glint in his eye. 

“What are you reading?” 

“A book.” He deadpanned.

He flicked him. “I know that, you wanker. What book?” 

Brian smiled. “Steppenwolf.” 

The name made Roger’s eyes light up in interest and he let out a soft ‘ooh’ before snuggling close to Brian and resting his head on his shoulder. 

“Mind if I join you?” 

“I don’t think I have much say in it.” Brian muttered softly, holding the book closer so Roger could read along. 

“You don’t.” Roger sighed softly. “We’ve still got like 4 hours left and I don’t think I can read another one of Fred’s magazines without tearing my hair out.” 

“Like you’d tear your hair out.”   


“You’re right. I’d tear yours out then.”

Brian rolled his eyes fondly before turning  back to the page and reading over the words. After a moment or so, he moved to turn the page before Roger stopped him, swatting his hand away. 

“No, not yet. I’m not done.” 

“How are you not done?” Brian raised an eyebrow, staring back at the page. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to read.

“My eyesight is shit, remember? Plus, the words are really small which doesn’t help.” Came the blond’s reply, his eyes constantly squinting as he strained to read the small print. 

“You should really consider getting eyeglasses.”

“Fuck no.” The drummer grumbled, closing his eyes momentarily as he felt an oncoming headache form. 

“You’re such a mess, just let me read to you.” 

“Aren’t you sweet?” Roger said in a dainty voice. 

“I just wanna get to the next page.” 

Roger laughed softly. “Read to me then.” 

And so, he did. He read the next five or so chapters to the blond as they made their way across the ocean. And Roger took in every word, listening intently before he felt the weight of his eyelids become increasingly more heavier and he soon drifted off to sleep, snoring softly against Brian’s shoulder.

When the brunette noticed he had fallen asleep, he had smiled fondly at him before closing the book, not wanting to read ahead. He would save it for when he woke up and they could read again, together. He looked back down and watched as the drummer slept peacefully against him, his breath coming out in slow puffs of air, his nose scrunching up every so often in the most adorable way possible. Brian’s chest fluttered at the sight. 

He looked over towards where Freddie and John sat and noticed that John was asleep as well, curled up against the singer as he snored softly. Freddie was running his fingers through his long hair, pushing it out of his face all while singing softly to him, a certain softness in his eyes that Brian could recognize as the look was often reflected in his own eyes. It was a swee sight to behold.

But it also made Brian feel slightly jealous. Jealous that he couldn’t exactly have all of that with a Roger. At least, not in a way that wouldn’t make things weird between them. Roger was his best mate and that’s all the blond thought of him. Just his best friend. He was certain Roger didn’t see him as anything more. And he was also certain that Roger was one hundred percent straight, if any of his countless one night stands and groupies were anything to go by. 

He wasn’t sure if he could ever be honest with the drummer about his feelings. He didn’t think Roger would hate him, no he wasn’t that kind of person. But he would feel uncomfortable, guilty probably that he couldn’t love Brian the way Brian loved him and it was cause problems and tensions between them and the band, which could lead to Queen breaking up and - 

No, he couldn’t have that. 

Brian was willing to suffer in silence and keep his feelings to himself for the sake of his friendship with Roger. And for the future of Queen. He would do anything for both. 

“Brian,” Freddie whispered softly to him, snapping Brian out of his thoughts. He glanced over to where Roger was asleep on his shoulder before glancing back at Brian, a knowing look in his eyes. 

“Hm?” Brian hummed in reply, rolling his head over in the other man’s direction. 

“You look exhausted. Sleep.” 

Brian suddenly noticed how tired he actually was, feeling his eyelids start to way down and his muscles start to loosen up, his body sagging against the seat.

“I’m alright, Freddie.” He waved his hand in dismissal, despite the fact that sleep sounded almost irresistible at the moment.

“Sleep.” He repeated again, this time with more force. Freddie really could be a mother hen when he so pleased. 

Brian sat there for a moment before he slowly nodded and sighed, letting his head fall back against the seat. He closed his eyes as he felt the sleeping man next to him shift a bit, burying his head further into his shoulder, closer to his neck. It sent a tingly feeling shooting through Brian’s body and he smiled to himself as he fell into a peaceful sleep. 

He could live with just those simple touches.

He was awoken by Roger shuffling around next to him and he slowly peeled his eyes open, blinking away the sleep from his eyes. He yawned and sat up, stretching out his arms before turning to see Roger doing the same thing. 

John had stirred a bit and Freddie was checking the time on his watch, having woken up from his own nap a few moments ago. 

“We should be landing in a few moments.” He spoke up, looking at the two still very sleepy men.

Brian nodded, his head still cloudy from the sleep as he let another yawn slip past his lips. Roger scratched his head, running his fingers through his hair before turning towards the taller man. 

“You’re comfy.” He murmured, his eyes still slightly glazed over and unfocused. 

His lips quirked up in a small grin. “Must be. You slept against me the whole plane ride.” 

Roger hummer and leaned back against him. “Like I said, you’re comfy. And warm.” 

Brian decided to take the opportunity and wrap his arm around the blond who let out a content noise at the action, taking the chance to move closer.

Within the next few minutes, the airport came into sight and the plane slowly descended towards the ground, the seats rattling as they landed onto the runway.

Brian felt Roger tense up at the jerky movements and moved to take his hand in his own, giving it a small squeeze.

“You okay?” He asked softly, feeling the drummer squeeze his hand in return and slowly relax against him.

“Yeah, just.. don’t like all the movements when we land.” Roger replied softly, large eyes staring out the window as he took note in how sunny the sky was and how he could practically feel the warmth in the air. A lot different than London. 

“Well, you can always just squeeze my hand or something if you - if you need. Just to like, help you relax or something, I don’t know - ” He stumbled a bit as he tried to word it in the best possible way without coming off as weird or awkward, though he was sure he failed. 

Roger didn’t seem to notice, or he just didn’t care, as he looked away briefly to smile up at Brian and nod. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

Brian gave a short nod. “Sounds good.” 

After they had gotten off the plane, they made their way into the airport while they waited for their driver to come and bring them to their hotel. It seemed as if the entire state of Connecticut knew they were coming because as soon as they had made their way through baggage claim, they were swarmed with large crowds of cheering fans, all wanting pictures and autographs and hugs. As they all screamed and shouted, Brian felt his breathing come out in shallow pants and he felt his skin start to grow slightly slick with sweat as the air began to feel much too hot for his liking.

As much as he loved the fans, it was always hard to surrounded by so many people, especially ones who were screaming hysterically and trying to grab and claw at him from every angle as the band tried to make their way through, their security having to push people back so they wouldn’t be manhandled.

He tried his best to calm down and take deep breaths but he could feel dozens of hands touching him all over and was momentarily blinded by a camera flash from paparazzi who didn’t seem to know what personal space was and the screaming seemed to be getting louder and  oh god , he couldn’t handle this. 

As soon as he felt like he was going to black out from everything around him, he found himself being pulled back down to earth when he felt someone’s hand grasp his and he looked down to see Roger right by his side, giving his hand gentle squeezes while he tried to shield Brian away from prying eyes and hands. 

“You’re okay, Bri. Bri? Just keep walking with me, we’re almost out of here.” He whispered to him, pulling the taller man along with him as he smoothly walked through the crowd and towards the exit. Brian blindly followed after him and soon enough, they were away from the crowds of people and outside, where their driver was waiting for them.

“You okay, now? I thought you were gonna collapse in there for a minute.” Roger laughed, though it was easy to sense the worried tone laced under it.

“Yeah, I’m - I’m okay. I think. Thanks for getting me out of there.” He replied, feeling his heart rate slow back down to normal and his face wasn’t feeling so sweaty anymore. 

“Anytime.” Roger shrugged before making his way towards the car, Brian following behind as their hands were still connected.

How come Roger hadn’t let go of his hand yet? Brian really didn’t mind though.

As they all climbed into the car, they all grinned at each other as they were finally in America and ready to tour.

“Ready to take this country by storm?” Freddie asked, glancing between the three of them. 

“Hell yes.” Roger leaned back in his where he sat next to the singer, Brian and John sitting across from them. 

As Roger stared out the window of the car and John took interesting in making sure he had all his bags in order, Freddie took the chance to playfully kick at Brian’s foot. 

Brian raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you kick me?” 

Freddie gave him a sneaky grin. “Did I?” He asked, his voice dripping with faux innocence.

“You kicked me.” Brian chuckled, lifting his foot to kick him back. 

This resulted in the two of them kicking each other like little children, laughing at their own silliness before Freddie gave too hard of a kick to Brian’s shin and he winced, leaning down to rub his assaulted ankle.

“Too harsh, Fred.” He sighed, shaking his head while Freddie laughed. 

“Apologies, love. Perhaps we shouldn’t kick each other, hm?”

“Says the one who started this.” Brian grumbled but he smiled up at the other man who immediately smiled back, leaning down to ruffle Brian’s hair.

Meanwhile, unknowing to the two men, Roger was watching the whole exchange with a sour look on his face, the pinch in his eyebrows growing tighter with every laugh that was shared between the guitarist and singer.

John, of course, noticed and leaned close. “You don’t look too happy.” He whispered.

Roger turned his head away to look at him, giving a shrug. 

“What are you talking about? I’m fine.” He replied, though the look on his face said otherwise.

“You sure?” John asked, a teasing smile playing on his face. 

Roger narrowed his eyes at him and tilted his head to the side. “What? What are you on about?” 

John opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it after a moment. Then, he opened it once again and replied with a quiet ‘nothing’ before turning to look at the other two men who had now calmed down from their silly affairs.

Roger gave him a confused look but turned back to the other two as well, watching their movements and expressions with careful eyes.

“If I find a bruise later on, I’m gonna get you.” Brian threatened, pointing his finger at Freddie.

“I’m absolutely terrified.” Freddie gasped, pressing a hand to his heart.

Soon enough, they arrived at their hotel and they all climbed out of the car and let their manager go check them in as they gathered their bags. 

Apparently, getting them all their own room was too much work, so each member had to share the room with one other. 

When they found out, they all let out grumbles of disappointment.

“Now, don’t be too upset.” Paul told them, waving his hand around. “Just choose who is going to room with who and I’ll show you to your rooms after.” With that, he left to go make sure everything else was still in order.

Once he was gone, they all turned to look at each other so they could decide who was going to room with who.

“I’m definitely not sharing a room with Roger. He hogs the bathroom.” Freddie spoke which earned a dirty look from the blond.

“I don’t wanna share with you either, Fred. All you do is sing in the early hours of the morning while the rest of us normal people try to sleep.” 

John and Brian couldn’t contain their sighs and both gave each other a knowing look before John spoke up.

“I’ll share with Freddie. Roger, you can room with Brian. Brian like to sleeps in and I like taking long showers. This way, no one gets their head ripped off.”

It seemed to satisfy the two men and they both nodded, glad to have come to an arrangement. 

“Sounds good.” Roger said, looking up at Brian. “Right?” 

Brian flushed at the idea of having to share a room, and possibly a bed, with Roger. For the next few days. Alone. Just them.

“Yeah, sounds good.” He squeaked and Roger smiled brightly. 

“It’s a perfect plan, darling.” Freddie wrapped an arm around John’s shoulders and pulled him close. “How smart, you are.”

“Get a room.” Roger gagged, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, you’re one to talk.” Freddie replied, flicking his hair out of his eyes.

“Excuse me?” Roger crossed his arms, giving the singer a confused look. 

“Oh, nothing. Just the fact that you always seemed to be glued to Brian, is all. Almost like you can’t get enough of him.”

Brian felt his face burn while Roger’s jaw dropped and he spluttered, trying to come up with something to say.

“That’s not - I’m not - Look, I - He’s just my best mate, is all. I’ve known him for years, you wouldn’t understand.” 

Brian felt his heart clench at the words. 

Just my best mate .

“I’m sure he is.” Freddie winked.

Before anyone could say anything else, Paul came back up to them with room keys in his hands. 

“Figured it all out, yet?” 

“Yeah.” Brian responded, glancing between the group before looking back at the man in front of them. “Let’s see our rooms, yeah?” 

Paul led them upstairs to the third floor where they would all be staying for the next few days. He led Freddie and John to their room first, both men rushing inside, eager to settle in the beds for a nap. Once they reached Roger and Brian’s room, he handed Brian the key before stepping back.

“Alright, here it is. Enjoy and try not to trash the room too much.” With that, he turned on his heel and walked away to do who knows what.

The two men watched him walk away before Roger turned to Brian. 

“He really doesn’t like us.” 

Brian shrugged as he took the card and swiped it. It took him a few tries as he has been used to using keys to unlock hotel doors for most of his life until, thanks to technology, most hotels upgrades to cards to make it easier.

“Doesn’t matter. Besides, don’t fancy him too much anyways.” He spoke as he got the door open, pushing it open and stepping aside to let the blond in first. 

“Thanks.” Roger spoke as he shuffled past him and into the room. As Brian followed behind him, he nearly walked right into the other man as he stopped right in the middle of the room.

“Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me.” 

“What is it?” Brian asked, confused, as he looked up to see what Roger was complaining about. 

Oh. 

There was only one bed.

It was a very large and spacious bed, but it was only one. 

“Fucking Paul.” Roger sighed, moving to set his bags down on the floor. 

Brian set his down as well and awkwardly rubbed at the back of his neck, shifting from foot to foot. 

“If you want, I can - I can sleep on the couch. It looks like a pullout. I can sleep on it if that would make you more comfortable.” 

Roger turned around and looked at him, the expression on his face unreadable.

“I’m not making you sleep on a couch, Brian. And I never said I was uncomfortable.” 

“Yeah, I know but I just assumed - ”

Roger waved him off. “As long as you don’t kick me off the bed or steal all the blankets, I don’t mind sharing the bed with you.” 

Brian held a hand to his heart and nodded. “I solemnly swear.” 

Roger scoffed and chuckled to himself, rolling his eyes at Brian’s actions. “You’re weird.” 

“So are you. Besides, you love me, don’t you?” 

Roger shrugged. “Debatable.” 

Brian gasped in fake offense and shook his head. “You don’t mean that.” 

Roger grinned as he sat on the edge of the bed and Brian stepped up towards him, the blond having to hook his chin up to look him in the eye due to the multiple inches in height difference.

“Perhaps I do, May. What are you going to do about it?” He asked with an edge laced in his voice, his eyes shining with mischief as well as an unrecognizable gleam that Brian couldn’t seem to figure out. 

Brian tried to look as innocent as possible as he reached around Roger to grab a pillow, keeping his hazel eyes locked on the drummer’s blue ones before bringing the pillow around to smack him right in the head. 

“Perhaps that.” He answered, catching Roger completely off guard. 

He gasped, brushing his hand through his hair as he stared at Brian in disbelief before his mouth slowly curled into a grin and he nodded.

“Is that’s how you want to play it?” He asked, moving to grab his own pillow as well, moving to hit Brian while the guitarist tried to use his own pillow to shield himself.

Within a matter of seconds, the two became involved in a wild pillow fight, smacking each other back and forth with the pillows all while laughing like immature children. 

It somehow landed with Roger falling on top of Brian and he stared down at the man below him, a soft laugh leaving his lips. 

“I hate you.” He whispered, a soft smile puffing out his cheeks.

Brian simply stared up at him in amazement, studying every single feature of Roger’s face and wondering how one man could be so absolutely beautiful without even trying. 

“Hate you more.” He whispered back, his breath coming out in small pants. 

Neither made an effort to move and instead laid there for a few moments, panting and staring at each other like they were the only two in the world. It almost felt like they were. 

Brian felt as though he were going to explode with love for the man above him. He could feel his confession threatening to leave the tip of his tongue the more he stared at Roger.

“Roger..” 

“Brian?” The blond murmured, wide blue eyes flickering over the brunette’s face with such a soft look that Brian thought for a split second that maybe Roger felt the same way. Maybe. 

He flinched when he felt Roger reach his hand down and grab his own, lacing their fingers together and connecting their palms.

“Is this okay?” Roger asked quietly.

Brian couldn’t do anything but nod. He nodded over and over, letting the back of his thumb run over Roger’s knuckles. 

“Mhm.”

“Good. Because I like holding your hand.” Roger whispered, that same small smile that Brian loved forming on his lips, his tongue poking out from in between his teeth. 

“I like holding your hand as well.”  I want to hold all of you . He kept the last part on the tip of his tongue, not wanting to ruin the small and special moment he was able to have with the blond.

He had always known Roger to be an extremely affectionate and touchy person, always clinging on to the people he was close with, whether it be a hand on their knee or an arm slung around their shoulder. But he had never seen him like this, the way he delicately held Brian’s hand in his, how he seemed to be glued to the guitarist’s side, especially during these recent times.

Perhaps Brian was special. Maybe he was. He and Roger did know each other longer than they knew Freddie or John. 

It’s just the kind of friendship they had. 

At least that’s what Brian told himself.

He blinked when he snapped out of his thoughts, notching the way Roger was staring at him. Staring at him as if Brian was a hidden secret and Roger was searching for all the possible answers to figure him out.

“You got lost in your head again.” 

Brian tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and shrugged. “Didn’t mean to.” 

“I know.” Roger sighed, his free hand coming up to stroke over Brian’s cheek. The guitarist wasn’t sure how he didn’t feel how hot his skin felt. Or maybe he did, he just didn’t say anything. 

“You think too much, you know? You should stop being in your head all the time.” Roger said as he laid his head down on Brian’s chest, humming quietly as he listened to the man’s beating heart under him.

“Easier said than done.” 

“It’s not impossible though. Whenever you feel yourself slipping away, just try and think of something that relaxes you and keeps you grounded.” 

Huh, that’s not a bad idea.

“What makes you relaxed and happy?”

He tried to bite back from saying  you do . 

But it tumbled out of his mouth before he had time to stop it. 

“You do. I mean, uh - You and the guys. Queen. The band makes me happy.” 

Roger looked up at him from his position on his chest. “There you go, then.” 

Brian blushed furiously and turned his head to the side, staring at the blank wall. 

“You know what I think about when I feel myself slipping away?” 

Brian hummed in response, shrugging. 

“Cars? Girls?” 

It earned him a harsh slap on the chest and a dirty look from the blond while Brian winced, rubbing at his now sore chest. 

“Why am I being assaulted so much today?” He asked tiredly.

“Because you’re a wanker.” 

Brian gave a dry laugh at that. “You always say that.” 

“Because it’s true.” Roger’s face softened before he dropped his head back on his chest. “I think about you. By the way.” 

Brian blinked and tilted his head up to look at him. “You what?” 

“You heard me.” Roger mumbled from his spot on his chest. “You’re usually the one who keeps me grounded and from doing something stupid and possibly hurting myself. So whenever I slip away or feel myself getting worked up, I think ‘What would Brian do?’ and then I usually do that.” 

Even with as many years as he knew him, sometimes, Brian could really never understand Roger. 

“Okay.. I’m touched?”

Roger huffed softly, poking him in the chest. “You should be, livin’ in my head so much.” 

“Maybe stop thinking about me so much then.” Brian poked him back. 

“Stop being so easy to think about.” 

“You always have to have the last word, don’t you?” 

Roger looked up at him and grinned, leaning up to tap the tip of his nose. “Of course I do.” 

Brian went slightly crossed eyed as he watched Roger tap his nose, the blond releasing a soft laugh. They stared at each other for a moment and Brian felt like he was shrinking under Roger’s gaze. The drummer’s eyes seemed a bit more unfocused than usual, his eyelids hooded. He looked tired.

“You look tired.” Brian murmured, watching as Roger nodded and let out a quiet yawn, letting his hand come up and rub his eyes. 

“Mhm, just a bit.” He shuffled closer until they were face to face before dropping his head in between his neck and shoulder, burrowing into him. “‘M gonna sleep here.” 

“Do me and my body get a say in this?” 

“No.” Came the short reply and Brian chuckled, wrapping his arm around the clinging man on top of him and stroking gently over his back. 

“Get some sleep, Rog.” 

The only thing he heard after were the blond soft snores and steady breathing. 

Brian wasn’t sure how much more he could take. 

Laying there for a moment, while the drummer slept soundly against him, he stared up at the ceiling and sighed out softly, his mind running a mile a minute.

Here was the man he was in love with, laying on top of him and sleeping peacefully, while his face remained buried in his neck and he could feel his warm breath puffing against his neck.

He probably shouldn’t be letting this happen, it would only result in him falling even more in love. He wasn’t sure if it was possible, but he didn’t want to take the risk and end up even more heartbroken in the end. But Roger felt so perfect against him and he was so  warm and  nice . 

Well, Brian didn’t always make the smartest decisions. 

Letting his heart lead the way instead of listening to his logical brain, he wrapped his arms around the sleeping man tighter, holding him closer and soaking in the rare and wonderful moment. He looked down and immediately wished he didn’t because what he saw was the probably the most beautiful sight Brian had ever seen in his entire life. 

Aside from the way Roger’s cheek was smushed up against Brian’s shoulder blade, his hair fell around in his face and framed it in such a way that made him look ethereal, like a true angel. Brian felt his breath hitch in his throat as he leaned close to brush a few loose strands of hair out of his face. And to also have a closer peek. When Roger showed no sign of stirring, Brian pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, feeling a small burst of confidence surge through his body. Leaning closer, he hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should do what he was about to do before thinking  screw it and moving foward. Brushing his lips against Roger’s forehead, Brian placed a feather light kiss against the skin, letting his lips linger for a few seconds before pulling away. His heart momentarily stopped when Roger stirred slightly, his nose scrunching up on his face before he resettled, snuggling back into Brian.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Brian relaxed back against the bed, letting his head fall back against the pillow. He was falling harder and faster every single day and it wouldn’t be too long before it became absolutely unbearable. He was already feeling as though he was bordering on the edge, close to completely losing his goddamn mind and it was all Roger’s fault. Because he was so stupidly perfect, that of course Brian had to fall in love with him. And now he was suffering from the love and knew the only way out was for him to just confess his feelings or move on, both of which seemed like very impossible options.

So instead, he just laid there, contemplating any other possible option as he watched Roger sleep. Which was probably creepy of him, but he couldn’t find himself to look away. As he watched him sleep, he started to daydream about what it would be like if he did confess to Roger about his feelings and if Roger felt the same way and they got together. He imagined running his fingers through the blond’s hair while he laid curled up against Brian, he imagined waking up next to him everyone morning in a mess of tangled limbs because Roger was such a clingy person and Brian adored it so much. The thing he could feel the most though, was the thought of being able to kiss the drummer. To feel his soft lips against his own, to be able to explore inside his mouth and taste every single inch of him and -

Fuck.

Brian felt the familiar warmth blossoming in his lower belly as his pants suddenly began to feel a bit too tight, and  oh god  he was growing hard while  Roger  was asleep on top of him. He suddenly felt like the air in the room was becoming much too hard to breathe and he inhaled deeply, trying his absolute best to calm the fuck down before he would accidentally wake up Roger and Roger would see his boner and then wonder what was going on and then everything would go to shit.

He couldn’t have that. 

Moving as carefully as he could, he slowly pushed Roger off of him and rolled him onto the other side of the bed, the man letting out a soft noise of discomfort from being moved. He seemed to mostly stay asleep though, so Brian gave him a soft apology before standing up and moving to go outside. He needed some fresh air. And to be away from Roger.

Grabbing his key card and heading to the door, he barely had one foot out the door before he heard Roger’s soft voice from behind him. 

“Brian?” 

The brunette let out a small sigh of defeat before turning around to stare at the other male who was now sitting up, a sleepy and dazed look on his face. He was too adorable to be real. 

“Where are you going?” Roger asked, letting out a quiet yawn.

“Just stepping outside for some fresh air. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” 

“Downstairs?”

“Yeah.”

“There’s a balcony.”

“I’d rather just go downstairs.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

He really didn’t.

“No, you stay here and go back to sleep. I’ll be back soon.” With that, he didn’t wait for a reply before he quickly walked out of the room, letting door shut behind him and leaving a confused Roger alone on the bed.

Walking down the halls, he made his way towards the elevator and smashed the button with his thumb, quickly stepping inside the lift once it opened up. As he made his way down into the lobby, he walked outside to the entrance of the hotel, stepping out into the warm air. Letting out a deep sigh, he leaned against the wall as he rubbed a hand over his face, trying to calm down.

“You don’t look so good.” 

Brian startled at the voice, he hadn’t realized anyone was out here. He looked up in the direction the voice came from and saw Freddie standing there, a curious expression on his face as he stared at Brian from where he stood, leaning against the wall next to him.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack, Fred. What are you doing out here?”

He laughed. “My apologies, dear. I saw you rushing out here and got a bit concerned, so I followed. What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be upstairs with the princess?”

Brian let out an unamused snort, letting his head fall back against the wall behind him. “I felt like I was going to suffocate the longer I stayed in there with him.” 

Freddie hummed, nodding his head. “I can imagine.” 

Besides Brian of course, Freddie was the only other person who knew of Brian’s feelings for Roger, Brian accidentally spilling about his secret one night when he had too much to drink. Freddie didn’t seem to care, stating that he already knew as Brian was  so incredibly obvious , as he put it. He swore he would never tell a soul and offered to be there as support whenever Brian needed him.

And right now, he needed him. 

“I just..” He started, releasing a heavy breath as he tried to gather all his thoughts together. “Everytime I’m near him, or even in the same bloody room as him, I get so.. worked up. Like it becomes too much for me to handle.” 

He felt Freddie place a comforting hand on his shoulder and he leaned into it, thankful for the contact.

“Darling, you really should tell him. What’s the worst that could happen?” 

“He doesn’t feel the same way and ends up hating me which would cause Queen splits up.” 

He blinked. “Okay, so that would be very bad. But I highly doubt we would split up. He’s your best friend, I’m sure he wouldn’t ever hate you. Especially not for something like this.” 

“Wouldn’t he though?”

“No, he wouldn’t.” Freddie stated, moving closer. “You know why? Because he loves you darling. And it’s not like you chose to fall in love with him. This isn’t your fault.” 

“Then why am I suffering so much for it?” 

Freddie laughed again and shook his head. “I’m afraid that’s just love sometimes works, my dear. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to tell him. And you never know, he might just feel the same way.” He winked, a toothy grin spread across his face.

Brian shook his head. “I highly doubt it. Maybe I’ll tell him when I’m laying on my deathbed, that way I can die before being having to be rejected.” 

Freddie snickered at that and momentarily hid his face in the taller man’s shoulder, swatting him lightly. “Don’t joke like that!” 

Brian let out his own laugh and closed his eyes for a moment, feeling himself relax. 

“Thanks, Freddie.” 

“Anytime, dear.” 

They moved to hug, wrapping their arms around each other in a comforting embrace and flashing wide smiles as they pulled apart. 

“Let’s get back inside.”

Just as they turned around and moved to head back inside, they stopped right in their tracks in the middle of the lobby, their eyes going wide as they saw Roger standing there, arms crossed and what seemed to be an annoyed expression on his face. His hair was still a bit tousled from sleep and he still looked a bit out of it, but the unhappiness on his face was clear.

“What were you two talking about?” 

Both men glanced at each other, silently begging the other to come up with an explanation as to what they were talking about.

“We were just talking about the tour, darling. Nothing to worry your pretty little head about.” Freddie quickly spoke, his tongue swiping out over his bottom lip nervously. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious how much of a lie it was.

Roger didn’t seem to buy it for a minute.

“Really? You were just having a conversation about touring?” 

Both men nodded and Brian’s eyes flickered from side to side, not wanting to meet Roger’s.

“Sounded like you were talking about someone.”

Freddie let out a nervous laugh. “What makes you think that?” 

Roger gave him an unimpressed look. “I heard Brian mention something about he felt like he was suffocating by being in the same room as me.” 

Oh shit.

He opened his mouth to say something,  anything , trying desperately to come up with an excuse as to why he had said that. He felt Freddie nudge him and he blinked several times, trying to get out any form of sound.

“I... uh..” 

Roger scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Fuck you too.” He spoke as he turned on his heel to leave before Brian could call out to him, who felt a rush of panic set in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment below if there’s any mistakes i may have not checked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh y’all finna hate me for this. also this one is a little shorter but a lot happens so hopefully that makes up for it?

“Roger, wait!” He yelled, suddenly finding his voice.

It seemed to fall on deaf ears as Roger continued walking away, very much pissed off. 

The guitarist exchanged a look with Freddie before turning back and quickly jogging after the blond, trying to reach him before he made it up to the elevator.

“Rog! Rog, wait.” He spoke, quickly catching up to the unhappy blond and gently grabbing him by his shoulder. “Roger.” 

“What?” He snapped, whipping around to face him. It was then that Brian noticed the hurt look in his eyes and he felt his chest tighten up, his heart clenching at the sight because he hated seeing Roger upset and knowing that it was he himself who did that to him made him feel like the biggest tosser on the planet.

“Hey, listen to me.” He said softly, watching as Roger tried wiggling out of his touch which just caused him to hold him tighter. 

“What you heard back there, it - Well, it - It’s not what you think.” 

Roger rolled his eyes again, letting out a bitter laugh. “Sure, alright.” 

“Seriously, it wasn’t.” He didn’t know how the hell he was going to explain what he said without exposing his feelings and his bit down on the inside of his cheek, trying to come up with the best possible explanation.

“Have I done something wrong?” Roger asked suddenly, his voice growing quiet as he stared down at his feet, suddenly appearing a lot smaller than he already was.

“What?” Brian asked, bewildered. “What? No. No, of course you haven’t. It’s nothing you did, it’s me. I can’t explain it to you, not right now, but I promise what I said wasn’t intended to come out like that. I love spending time with you.” 

“I don’t understand.” Roger said, looking up and staring at him in confusion. “What did you mean then?”

“It uh - Like I said, I can’t explain it right now. Just trust me, okay?” Brian reached his hand down to connect it with Roger’s, giving him a gentle squeeze.

“You’re making no sense.” 

Brian sighed heavily and momentarily blinked up at the tall ceiling, wondering what the hell he had done to be put through this shit. 

“I know I’m not. But just trust me. You’re my best mate, I promise that I don’t hate you. And you haven’t done anything wrong. I truly do enjoy you and your company.”

This seemed to calm the man down a bit and he stared at him for a moment before slowly nodding, squeezing his hand back. “Fine.. But I’m not letting this go.” 

“I wasn’t expecting you to.” 

Brian would figure something out.

Hopefully.

The following night was their first concert for the American leg of the tour and they were all currently backstage, preparing to go on in just a few minutes.

“Ready boys?” Freddie called, checking himself out in the mirror to make sure his stage outfit and hair were absolutely perfect, not a single detail out of place. 

“Ready Freddie.” John called out, tuning his bass and plucking a few of the strings to make sure everything sounded good. Brian was staring down at himself, studying the material of the winged costume he had been put in. He spread his arms out, flapping them a bit and watching as the material ruffled beneath his arms.

“Don’t you look nice.” He heard a familiar voice call out, looking up to see Roger walking over to him, drumsticks gripped tightly in his hand.

Brian smiled as he flushed, shrugging his shoulders bashfully. “You don’t think it’s all a bit much?” 

Roger shook his head as he ran his fingers over the winged costume, staring up at him with a soft smile. “It suits you. Makes you look like an angel.” 

“You think so?” 

“Mhm.” Roger hummed, nodding. Brian let his attention be caught by the dark black eyeliner lining the blond’s eyes, making the bright blue of his irises much more prominent and noticeable.

“You look good as well.” He whispered quietly, noticing the faint sparkle in Roger’s eye as he spoke. The shorter man smiled wider and Brian felt his fingers tap against his own, the touch featherlight, but very noticeable to him.

Brian wasn’t sure how long they stood there staring at each other before he heard Freddie clear his throat and clap his hands.

“Oh lovebirds, if you’re through eye - fucking each other, it’s time for us to go on stage!” 

Brian went red as he flipped him off, Roger muttering a quiet “fuck off” while John scolded Freddie for his teasing.

Once they all made it out on stage, they were immediately taken aback by the immediate roaring from the crowd, Freddie running up to the edge of the stage to make his royal entrance. 

“Hello darlings, we’re here now!” He called out, giving a graceful bow while the rest of them moved to their positions and set up. 

It only took a few moments for them to begin, starting off with Killer Queen before moving into The March of the Black Queen and then eventually moving into Bohemian Rhapsody. 

The concert didn’t go as well as they hoped, with the lights flickering a few times, (John would have a talk with the electricians backstage about that) and a few people in the crowd booing them, mainly Freddie, from time to time. 

Towards the middle of the concert, Brian found himself looking back at Roger who had been pounding away at his drums, his hair flying back and forth as he moved back and forth across his set, noting that he was clearly frustrated with how the night was going.

It caused him to miss his cue. He realized it a split second too late and cursed himself, quickly shaking his thoughts away as he focused back on his guitar, easily finding his rhythm and playing in time with the song. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see John bobbing along to the music as he played, dancing in his little spot and it made him smile, glad to see that at least one of the members were enjoying themselves tonight.

As he played on, he couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching him (other than the thousands of fans in the audience of course) and he briefly glanced over his shoulder to find Roger peeking at him from where he sat. When they made eye contact, Roger seemed to be staring at him with such an intense gaze it nearly made Brian feel dizzy. Though, that could have also been the bright lights they were under. 

Careful so that he wouldn’t come in late again, he turned back around and continued playing, dancing his fingers across the strings of Red, his eyes scanning across the audience. He couldn’t even really remember what song they were on, his mind feeling hazy from the rush of performing.

Eventually, they got to their final song and Freddie gave it his all before he took a final bow, basking in the love and adoration from the screaming fans below.

“Thank you... and have a great night, darlings! We love you!” 

With that, they all gathered their instruments and walked off stage, towards the back. At least, that’s what Brian had assumed until he heard a loud yell and then a large crash, causing him to jump and whip around in the direction the noise had come from. It seemed John heard it as well, hell everyone backstage probably did, and they both looked towards the stage, sharing a look as well as a thought.

Stepping back out onto the stage, they both let out loud sighs and Brian actually groaned to himself. It was just as they expected.

Roger had trashed his drum kit in a fit of rage.  Again. 

Speak of the devil, the man stepped out from behind his mess and marched straight up to them, an angry look on his face. His feet stomped loudly against the stage floor and his arms were crossed tightly over his chest, resembling an angry munchkin and Brian had to keep the amusement clear from his face lest he be punched square in the face by the blond. 

“That show was shit.” He grumbled, pushing long stray hairs out of his eyes.

“There were a few problems, yes, but it wasn’t entirely too awful. Certainly not enough for you to trash your drum kit. Again.” Brian said, glancing between the drummer and the now wrecked stand behind him. “You know the roadies are gonna have a fit.” 

“Does it look like I care right now?” Roger huffed, his eyes dark and fiery and it made Brian clutch his guitar just a bit closer to his chest, though he knew Roger would never do anything to harm the Red Special.

“I’m gonna go get changed and find Freddie. You.. calm him down, please.” John spoke, tapping Brian on the shoulder before taking one last glance at Roger and then walking off again. 

How did he always manage to be the one to get stuck with the blond?

Brian waited a few moments, contemplating carefully on what to say next. The last thing he wanted to do was annoy the male even more, which he didn’t even know if it was possible, but Roger’s temper always managed to surprise him.

Eventually he just simply reached out and placed a delicate hand on the tense blond’s shoulder, giving it a tender squeeze.

“You alright?” 

Roger shook his head. And then he stared at him for a moment and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a moment before slowly exhaling, giving a short nod. “Yeah - Yeah, I’m fine. I just - Fuck.” He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face tiredly. “I need to smoke.” 

“Those things will kill you.” Brian murmured, leaning against the colum on the stage. 

“There are worst ways to die.” Roger shrugged, giving him a small smirk. “Besides, I might rip someone, and by someone I mean Fred’s, head off if I don’t go outside in the next five minutes.” 

He chuckled at that and nodded, letting his hand drop from his shoulder. “Guess you’ve definitely got to go then.”

“Glad you’re giving me permission. You wanna come along with me?” 

“And breathe in your second - hand smoke?” 

Roger scoffed. “Yes Brian, my whole plan is to make you catch lung cancer along with me. Wanker, perhaps I just want to enjoy your company.” 

Brian raised an eyebrow. 

“I did tell you that you kept me from doing stupid things, remember?” 

“Perhaps I should’ve been on stage before you wrecked your drum kit.” 

He winced. “Let’s not talk about that. Come on.” He didn’t give Brian time to respond before he grabbed his wrist and began to walk backstage, heading towards the dressing room where their coats and spare clothes hang. 

Freddie and John had already changed by the time they reached the room so when they shuffled inside , Roger looked around before moving to shed his clothes. 

“Oh good, I don’t have to worry about those two peeking at me while I change.”

“Doubt they would look at you.” 

“Who wouldn’t want to look at this? I’m a gift from the heavens.” 

“Full of yourself much?” Brian snorted, moving over to his corner of the room and searching for his clothes.

“Perhaps.” Roger winked, peeling his damp shirt off of his chest and throwing it down onto a vacant chair, not noticing the way Brian went red.

Trying his absolute hardest not to let his eyes roam over Roger’s now naked torso, Brian focused on changing out of his own costume, feeling his heart hammering in his chest. He kept his eyes glued to the floor, glancing every every once in a while as he couldn’t resist the urge to peek at Roger. 

During one of these times, Roger, unfortunately for Brian, caught him staring and he smirked, pulling his clean shirt on over his head and slipping on his jeans.

“Seems like  you can’t stop peeking at me, Bri.” 

Brian scoffed and turned away. “Was not.” 

“You were.” Roger teased, walking over to him. “You went all doe eyed staring at me.” 

Jesus, he was going to kill him.

Brian tried his best to steady his breathing, fastening his pants and running a hand through his curls before turning around and nearly running right into the blond. He hadn’t realized how close he had been standing.

Roger was staring up at him, his eyes shining with an expression the guitarist couldn’t exactly read. He felt his eyes roam over his face, bright blue eyes flickering down to his lips before bouncing back up again.

“Brian?” Roger asked quietly, his hand coming up to twirl a curly strand around his fingers.

“Uh.. mhm hm?” He mumbled out, feeling his heart rate increase in what felt like a dangerously high amount. Roger was standing so  close to him and he could practically feel him breathing, the warm air heating up his already too hot skin.

”I don’t mind you staring at me.” He whispered, eyes trailing over his face. 

“I - Oh.” The words stumbled out dumbly and Brian almost cringed at himself for it. Roger simply found it amusing and let out a soft, breathy laugh.

He watched Roger stare at him for a few moments, too afraid to speak or move and risk ruining the small moment. 

But then Roger was leaning closer, tilting his chin up while his free hand reached up to cup Brian’s cheek.

Shit. Shit. This was happening.

Brian felt his entire body do a 360 when he felt Roger’s lips press against his own, his eyes fluttering closed as he kissed back. Or at least, he tried to. Because not even a moment after the kiss started, Roger was pulling back, eyes wide and face flushed.

Brian’s mind was still cloudy from the kiss and he stood there with a dazed expression on his face, his brain trying to work over what just happened. Roger on the other hand, took about three steps back, his hand coming over to rub over his mouth as if the kiss had burned him.

“Shit.” He whispered, eyes darting around the room. 

“Did you just kiss me?” Brian asked, still not exactly sure if it happened or if his love for the blond had finally made him go insane and imagine everything.

“No.” Roger was quick to reply. “I mean, yes - But I shouldn’t have done that. I fucking - Why did I do that?” 

Brian stared at him, even more confused now. What was he saying? 

“What?” 

“I’m not - I’m not gay.” Roger said, his face morphing into one of anger. “I’m not fucking gay.”

“Didn’t... didn’t say you were? Uh. But you did just kiss me - ”

“Yeah, well it was a fucking mistake! It was a mistake, Brian! Kissing you was a mistake, I don’t - I don’t love you or like you or anything like that. We’re just friends. That’s all we are.” He said harshly, hands balled into fists as he looked him straight in the eye, his normal bright blue eyes dark and cold. 

Oh. 

Now it made sense. 

Brian felt his heart crack in his chest, a sharp pain stinging him inside. He let his gaze drop to the floor, feeling his eyes start to fill with tears. How could he have been so stupid? He knew it was a horrible mistake, falling in love with Roger. He always knew it would just end in heartbreak. He just wasn’t expecting it to hurt so much. 

“Let’s just forget this happened, yeah?”

The words felt distant and muffled in his ears. He couldn’t process anything except the fact that Roger had kissed him. And immediately regretted it. And then screamed at Brian, telling him he didn’t love him. He didn’t even like him. And Brian just stood there looking like a kicked puppy while the love of his life screamed and broke his heart in two.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, staring at the ground until he heard Roger walk out of the dressing room, the door slamming closed behind him. It was then, when he realized he was alone, that he suddenly felt every single emotion crash down onto him and he fell to the floor, a sob wracking over him as he felt hot tears begin to rush down his face.

_ Kissing you was a mistake. I don’t love you.  _

He felt his heart clenching inside his chest, the hurt hitting him all throughout his body. He let out loud sobs as he let every single feeling and emotion he had pushed down and hidden away inside him come pouring out, tears dripping down his face and staining his cheeks. He felt hot all over, the room suddenly feeling too small and the air around him becoming harder and harder to breathe. He supposes he should have expected this, expected to have his heart broken by the blond in the end. He knew there were slim chances of him returning the feelings, yet he let himself fall deeper and deeper in love which only ended in him being hurt, crying on the floor in the middle of a dressing room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s gonna get better. maybe. (;


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a lot longer than the last. (:

“Who the bloody hell is making all of this nois- Brian?” 

His head shot up when he heard the voice, having not heard the door even being opened. Even through blurred vision, he could easily make out the forms of Freddie and John, who both looked at him in shock before rushing over to kneel down next to him. 

“Brian? Oh dear, what’s the matter? Why are you crying?” Freddie was the first to ask, wrapping his arm around the distressed man and pulling him to his chest. 

“What happened?” John asked softly, reaching out to brush his sweaty curls out of his face and stroke his cheek. “Brimi, you’re burning up.” 

“I’ll get him some water. Deaky, keep him safe until I get back.” Freddie said, patting the man’s shoulder and moving to stand. He kept his eyes trained on Brian the whole time he was walking out, watching him carefully before he practically sprinted out of the room. 

Shifting slightly, Brian leaned in towards John, the bassist immediately taking him into his arms and holding him close. Brian was grateful for the support, unsure if he would’ve been able to pull himself together by himself.

He tried to choke back his sobs, not wanting to cause any more distress for the three of them. Coughing, he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will back the tears to keep them from spilling. 

Obviously, he failed and he released a whimper, feeling fresh tears began to stream down his face and rolling down in fat drops. He felt John wipe his cheeks, pressing a kiss to his warm forehead and murmuring in his ear. 

“You’re okay, it’s okay. We’re here for you Bri, you can let it all out. You’re alright, you’re safe.” He cooed softly, thumbing away stray tears and rocking him gently in his arms. 

Soon, Freddie returned with a glass of water in his hand, walking hurriedly over to the pair and nearly spilling the water on himself as he did so.

“Drink this.” He said, kneeling back down and passing the cold glass to Brian. Taking the glass into shaky hands, he pressed the rim to his lips and took large sips, gulping the ice cold water down his throat, feeling his lungs open up a bit.

“Slow, Bri.” John whispered, still holding him close while Freddie rubbed soothing circles into his back.

Once he finished the water, he set the glass down on the ground, letting out a few shallow coughs. He was slowly calming down, his loud sobs now choking down to quiet whimpers and sniffles. He didn’t feel so lightheaded anymore and he found it becoming easier to breathe, taking in slow breaths. 

“There you go.” Freddie said encouragingly, smiling warmly at him. “Just keep taking deep breaths.” 

He did just that, inhaling deeply before exhaling, his body relaxing as he did so. Eventually, he found the strength to speak and he looked up at the two of them, speaking out softly.

“Thank you.” He whispered, his voice coming out hoarse and thick. Probably from the coughing. And crying. John and Fred both smiled at him, staring at him like two parents who just comforted their small child. 

“Of course. We’re here for you, darling.” Freddie said while stroking his back, feeling John hug him on his side.

“We love you.” He whispered.

“I love you guys too.” He said, the corners of his mouth quirking up in a smile.

“Come on, off this dirty floor.” Freddie said, moving to stand along with John, both men moving to help Brian stand up with them. Standing on shaky legs, he gripped onto John’s shoulder for support, the man keeping his arm around his shoulder. He watched as they both shared a look, obviously curious as to what could have set the guitarist off but neither chose to press on it until they were certain he was more stable. 

“Let’s get back to the hotel. There, we can talk.” 

“And drink.” 

John rolled his eyes while Freddie winked at him. “And drink, Fred.” 

He cheered the whole way out the door.

When they made it outside to get to their car, Roger was no where to be found. Brian was slightly relieved for that, he wouldn’t have been able to face him after what happened. The thought of merely seeing his face nearly brought him to tears again, his heart aching in his chest.

“Where’s Roger?” Freddie asked, looking around.

John shrugged. “I haven’t seen him since he wrecked his drum kit after the show. He probably met some groupie after the show and went home with her.” 

The thought ignited a spark of jealousy inside Brian and he looked down, kicking a small rock around with his feet while Freddie sputtered about Roger destroying his drum kit. “I’m ready to go.” 

“Us too, my love. We just have to make sure blondie isn’t getting left behind. Though, he might have been murdered by the roadies. Quite tragic, isnt’t it?” 

“If he was going back with us, he’d be here. And he’s not. So let’s go. We shouldn’t have to wait on him all the time, he’s a grown man not some sort of child we’re supposed to be responsible for all the time.” The words came out a lot harsher than he had anticipated and the other two stared at him in slight shock, eyebrows raised. 

“I’m assuming something happened between you two?” 

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Is that why you were upset earlier?” 

“Maybe?” 

Freddie hummed, nodding knowingly. “Let’s talk when we get to the hotel.” He moved to shove both men inside the car, climbing inside next to them.

Eventually, they all made it back to the hotel and clambered out of the car, walking inside the lobby and relaxing at the thought of finally being able to relax.

“Great show tonight, boys.” Paul spoke as he walked past them, giving them a brief nod.

“Thanks, Paul.” They all spoke as they walked towards the elevator. Once they got on and made it up to their floor, they made their way to Freddie and John’s room, the singer unlocking the door and pushing it open. They trudged in and Brian moved to stand in the middle of the room, John sitting down on the edge of the bed and Freddie sitting right next to him. 

“So?” He asked expectantly.

“What?” Brian played dumb. 

“Don’t play dumb, you know what. What happened tonight?” 

“Don’t push him, Fred.” 

“He knows he needs to talk to us.” 

Brian watched them bicker for a few more moments, speaking about him as if he wasn’t standing right there in front of them. Once he couldn’t take it anymore, he cleared his throat and they both immediately snapped their heads towards him, watching as he shifted awkwardly. 

“It happened in the dressing room.. obviously.” He started quietly, taking in a sharp inhale. 

“We were getting changed, uh Roger and I, and.. he uh - ” He furrowed his eyebrows, not sure exactly how he was supposed to say this.

“He what?” He heard Freddie ask curiously, leaning towards him. 

He might as well just come right out and say it. 

“He came onto me. Uh - he kissed me.” 

John went slightly wide eyed as Freddie gasped, his mouth falling open. 

Brian gave a wry smile. “And then he pushed off. And then he started to yell at me.” 

Their faces quickly fell and they let out noises of concern. 

“Why did he yell at you?” John asked softly.

“Hell if I know. He just started saying all these things about how he’s not gay and that it was a mistake - ”

“He said kissing you was a mistake?” Freddie interrupted.

He gave a slow nod, feeling the memories and pain from earlier slowly creep back into him again, reminding him of the rejection he faced.

“He kept yelling about how it was a mistake. That he didn’t love me. That he didn’t even like me like that. He said we should just forget it happened and then he - he just.. he just left. Slammed the door behind him. ” He didn’t realize he had been crying until he felt two pairs of arms wrap around him and pull him close, one face pressed in his neck while the other was pressed against his back. 

“Oh, my love. I’m so sorry. We’re so sorry.” 

Brian shrugged and he felt himself being pulled over to the bed, both men sitting on opposite sides of him and holding him close.

“I’m sorry.” Brian choked out, sniffling quietly and blinking several times, trying to hold back his tears. He couldn’t believe he was still crying. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Brian.” John whispered to him, gently rubbing his shoulder. “None of this is your fault.” 

“I let myself fall in love with him.” He mumbled out. He then realized that he had never spoken a word about any of this to John and he looked up to find the man staring down at him knowingly. 

“It’s okay, I kind of already guessed it.” 

“I still should’ve told you. I’m sorry.” Brian spoke, feeling guilty. 

John smiled at him. “Don’t worry about that right now.” 

Brian didn’t see it but Freddie sent a look over his shoulder, mouthing something to John before leaning over and sweetly kissing his cheek.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” He sighed, looking up towards the two of them for guidance.

“You should give him some time to sort himself out. Do the same for yourself as well. The last thing we need is another situation happening. At least wait until after the tour is over.” Freddie added the last part with a wink and a toothy grin and Brian couldn’t help but laugh softly, hearing John scoff and then giggle behind him. 

“I’ll try my best.” He murmured before he suddenly cursed out, remembering something. 

“I still have to share a room with him for the remainder of the week.” He groaned, rubbing his face tiredly. 

John hummed thoughtfully. “Well, he’s out for tonight, yes? You have the room for yourself tonight. And tomorrow, we can figure something out.” 

Brian bit his bottom lip, shrugging. “I guess so.. yeah.” He nodded. “I’m still not ready to go back right now, though.” 

“That’s alright, darling we weren’t expecting you to.” Freddie said before moving to stand. “Besides - “ he started, quickly running over to the small mini fridge they had and pulling out a large bottle, he held it up and grinned proudly. “We have this to drink!” 

Brian eyed the bottle, quickly noting it was champagne. Expensive champagne to be more specific.

He could use a drink. 

Or ten.

“I really need a drink.” He sighed out, chuckling at Freddie’s loud cheers and clapping. John shook his head at both of them but stood up, going to grab a few glasses for their small party.

“Cheers, darlings.” Freddie spoke as they toasted, clinking their glasses together before downing the alcohol in one go. 

That’s how the night went on for the next hour or so. They eventually finished the entire bottle, John having to convince the other two that they shouldn’t open up another bottle as it was getting extremely late and they still had another show the next night. 

At the reminder, Brian had felt himself growing tired and sluggish, the alcohol making his brain cloudy and fogged up. They had convinced him to go back to his room and go to sleep, promising that they would come check on him the next morning. The promise convinced him to finally leave. 

Trudging down the hallway, body still buzzing from the drinks, he made his way to his hotel room and fished around in his pockets for the key. Once he found it, he was about to insert it in the door and walk in when he heard something coming from inside the room. Confused, he pressed his ear up close to the door, straining to try and figure out what was happening behind the door. 

The steady movement of the headboard hitting against the wall and the high pitched moans that no doubt belong to a woman slowly became recognizable and Brian thought he was going to be sick. He quickly pulled back from the door, stumbling a bit as he fell back against the wall. He felt like his heart was breaking all over again and he clenched down on his jaw to keep from letting any noises escape him. 

Roger was inside the room, fucking some random woman and breaking Brian’s heart for the second time. 

Within a matter of moments, he was knocking on Fred and John’s door, the bassist answering with a sleepy yawn and a confused look.

Once he saw the tears in Brian’s eyes and the look of heartbreak on his face, no words needed to be communicated between them before he pulled Brian inside, shutting the door behind them.

He slept sandwiched between Freddie and John that night, the two men keeping him locked in place as if to assure him that they were never letting go, never leaving him. 

He somehow managed to fall asleep.

The next morning, he woke up to a head of hair in his face, another one tickling him on his shoulder. Peeling open his eyes, he blinked a few times as he looked around, trying to figure out where he was. He easily recognized it as Freddie’s hotel room, looking down to find the singer plastered to his front, his long limbs thrown around him and his face pressed right into his neck. He briefly glanced behind him, finding John in the exact same position against his back, his head resting gently on his shoulder. He felt a dull ache in his head from last night and he moved to rub his temples, the movement causing Freddie to stir and groan, cursing softly at whoever woke him up.

“Sorry, Fred.” Brian murmured, the dark haired male looking up at him. He stared for a moment, trying to remember when they let Brian sleep in their bed before the memories of last night came flooding back, his face softening at the reminder.

“How did you sleep?” 

He shrugged slightly, careful not to wake the sleeping man on his shoulder. “Fine, I guess.” He answered quietly. 

“Good.” Freddie quietly answered back, his eyes trailing over to the brunette snoring soundly next to them. Brian followed his gaze, staring down at John as he slept peacefully, his hair splayed out across his face. It wasn’t very often they got to see the bassist so relaxed, the man was usually wound up tight, his pinched up with tension. Right now, he looked soft, perfectly content as he snoozed against Brian’s shoulder.

Freddie reached out to brush his hair out of his face, delicate fingers tracing gently over his cheek and across his jaw. Brian watched with a small smile though he felt a tinge of jealousy inside his heart, jealous that he couldn’t have these moments with Roger. Sad that he would never be able to have this moment with Roger. 

Freddie must have noticed the change in his mood because soon his hand moved to Brian’s face, fingers moving to his chin to tilt his head to the side. 

“How about some breakfast?” Freddie asked, looking him directly in the eye.

Brian really didn’t want to leave the room. At all. 

“Maybe later.” 

Freddie gave him a look.

“Fred..” He whispered, flashing a look that silently begged for him to let them stay inside the room all day until it was time to go perform later that night.

But the singer was stubborn. Just like Brian.

“Fine. Brian mumbled, nodding as he shoulders sagged in defeat. He supposed he would just suffer again today. 

The singer smiled. “Wonderful. Let’s get going.” 

“Want me to wake Deaks?” Brian asked, motioning to the still sleeping man. 

Freddie shook his head as he sat up, swinging his legs over the bed. “Leave him. He deserves to sleep in. We can bring him some coffee and cheese on toast on our way back.”

“Alright, yeah.” The guitarist shifted, doing the best he could at gently pushing the bassist off of him without waking him up. Luckily, John proved to be a heavy sleeper and rolled onto his side, burrowing under the covers and snoring softly.

Letting out a quiet sigh of relief, Brian climbed out of the bed and stretched his arms above his head, cracking his back and letting out a pleasured noise.

“Mhm, that’s better.” He whispered to himself, running his fingers through his hair. He winced when he snagged some tangles, forgetting to tie it up last night. He’d have to brush it later on.

“Coming Brian?” Freddie called softly from the door.

Nodding, Brian quickly walked over to him, following him into the hall and towards the elevator. Once they were inside, Brian leaned against the wall, feeling anxiety begin to bubble inside his chest. What if Roger was downstairs? Would he speak to him? Would he just ignore him and pretend like he wasn’t there? Brian felt his palms begin to shake and he felt his breathing pick up and he closed his eyes, gripping onto the railing behind him. 

“Brian?” He heard Freddie call to him and he let out a noise of acknowledgment, not ready to open his eyes just yet. 

“Darling, we’re in the lobby now. Are you alright?” 

Brian nodded, trying to level his breathing. “Yeah I’m - I’m fine. I just, uh - ”

He could feel his friend’s knowing gaze from here. 

“Do you want to go back up to the hotel room? I can bring the food up.” 

Shaking his head, Brian opened his eyes, blinking a few times as he let his sight become less blurry. “No. I can do this, I’ll be fine. Just - stay with me.” 

Freddie smiled, taking his hand. “Of course.” 

Leading him through the lobby and into the dining area of the hotel, the smell of freshly cooked breakfast hit Brian’s nose and his stomach growled loudly, voicing its need for food. 

“Smells good.” Brian hummed, Freddie nodding in agreement.

“I’ll get the food, you find us a table. What do you want to eat?” 

Brian scratched the back of his neck, eyeing the options in front of him. Bacon, eggs, sausage.. none of which he could eat. His eyes landed on some pastries and scones and he silently cheered, stomach rumbling again.

“Get me some biscuits and scones?” He asked, turning to the singer who was already piling stacks of food onto his plate. 

“You’ve got it, darling. Tea as well?” He asked, taking a few strips of bacon. 

“Yeah, please. Thank you.” He said, Freddie humming his reply before shooing the guitarist off to find them a table. 

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he just realized that he was still wearing his jeans from last night, he made his way through the other people quietly eating their meals, looking for a place to sit. He soon found one, near one of the large windows and shuffled over, moving to sit down. As he waited for the other male to come over with his food, he looked around at the other people eating their food. He noticed a couple and their small son, the mother helping get pieces of bacon into his tiny mouth and the father laughing when it occasionally dropped from his lips. There was also an older couple, a man and a woman and they chatted quietly as they ate, hands connected over the table and soft smiles set on their aging faces. They seemed very happy. Brian felt that familiar tug on his heartstrings at all the happy families, reminding him that he couldn’t have that with the man he loved. No matter how much he wanted it, no matter how many nights he begged for it, Roger wasn’t his. He would never be his. 

“Here we are.” Freddie called out cheerfully, walking over to Brian and setting their plates and tea down. Taking the seat opposite to him, he sat down and immediately began to dig into his food, Brian watching with a blank expression. He didn’t really feel hungry anymore and was ready to go back up to the room and sulk, hiding under the covers in an attempt to shield himself from the heartbreak and outside world. 

Freddie must have noticed he wasn’t eating because he looked up, wiping his mouth and taking a sip of his tea before motioning to Brian’s untouched food.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” He asked, eyeing Brian’s scones.

“Not that hungry.” Brian shrugged weakly.

“I could hear your stomach from all the way over there just a few moments ago.” 

“I’m not hungry.” He repeated, this time slightly harsher and Freddie silently nodded, knowing better than to push it. Brian was grateful for it.

“Sorry, Fred.” He mumbled, feeling guilty for snapping at his friend. “I just..” 

“You’re alright, darling.” Freddie smiled at him, leaning over to squeeze his hand reassuringly but swiftly pulling away when a few people turned their heads to look at them questioningly. 

“So - ” He started, taking another bite of his toast. “Tonight for the show, Deacy is going to make sure the lights are working this time. Though, this stage will be much better than the one from last night. It’s quite far from the hotel so we’ll have to leave early. Paul arranged for our driver to pick us up, though. After breakfast, we should all shower and get dressed so we’ll have enough time and be ready..” 

Brian wasn’t listening to a word the man was saying, nodding every so often to pretend like he was. His mind was far away, stuck on a certain blond that never seemed to leave his mind. Ironically, he wished he could hate Roger for making him feel this way, cursing Brian with this deep, unrequited love that grew stronger with every passing moment and causing him to suffer more and more each day. It was horrible, really.

“I was also thinking that - oh dear.” That got Brian’s attention, heading popping up to give the singer a questioning look. 

“What?” He asked, noticing the way the man’s cheerful expression morphed into a nervous, tense one, his eyes lingering on something behind Brian.

“Brian, darling, I suggest you don’t turn around.” 

“What?” He asked, eyebrows furrowed. Why shouldn’t he turn around? Now he wants to turn around.

“There’s a certain blondie behind you.” 

Brian tensed up, feeling his heart begin to hammer in his chest at the words. Roger was behind him. Right behind him? Or just behind him, somewhere in the hotel. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. 

“I’m gonna turn around..” He murmured, eyes glancing at Freddie’s before slowly turning his head.

“Darling, I really suggest you don’t - ” But it was too late, the guitarist had already turned his head, looking over his shoulder to see Roger sitting down at a table a few tables over. That wasn’t what stood out though.

What stood out was the young brunette dangling on his arm, feeding him pieces of what looked to be a scone. Brian felt his blood run cold and his heart stop, his head feeling heavy and cloudy and his thoughts swirled together as he tried to process what he was seeing. His first reaction was to cry, tears pooling in his hazel eyes as his gaze remained heavy on the sight in front of him. Roger didn’t notice him yet.

Was that the girl he heard last night? Probably. 

He watched how Roger grinned at her, leaning in to press a passionate kiss to her lips, not pulling away in anger in disgust like he had with Brian. It made his heart shatter again - was it even whole to start with? Eventually, he couldn’t watch them any longer and he quickly turned his head to find Freddie staring at him, his face sad and filled with concern.

“I’m so sorry, Bri.” He said softly. “I told you not to look.” 

Brian clenched his jaw, furiously blinking away the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He didn’t understand how he hadn’t collapsed at this point, his body feeling heavy and ready to give out at any moment.

“Brian?” 

“I told you we should’ve just stayed upstairs.” He rasped out, moving to stand. He couldn’t stay here any longer, he needed to get out of there. Go back upstairs, cry into his pillow or something. He just needed to be alone.

“I’ve gotta go.” He said, not paying attention to how Freddie stood up with him. The world seemed to be spinning quickly around him and he shook his head, trying to clear everything.

“Go ahead. Just be careful.” Freddie spoke softly, his eyes still sad for Brian.

The guitarist barely nodded as he balanced on shaky legs, looking around until he spotted the path for the elevator.

Unfortunately for him, he had to walk right past Roger’s table to get to it and he mentally cursed whatever higher being that seemed to enjoy making his life hell.

Ducking his head down, he stuffed his hands back into his pockets before taking a breath and quickly making his way through the dining area.

He walked past the drummer’s table so fast he wasn’t sure if that man had even noticed him, but he did. Brian knew he did because he could feel his eyes on him as he jabbed the button with his thumb, he could feel his eyes on him while he was quickly stepping inside the elevator to escape.

Once the doors closed, he collapsed against the wall with a pained sigh and bit down on his bottom lip, trying to process what he just saw.

Roger was with a woman, eating breakfast with her and smiling at her. 

Roger kissed that woman.

Roger also kissed Brian. And then yelled at Brian. And then he stormed out on Brian.

Brian did not like the role he played in these situations. 

He felt more tears stinging at his eyes and he cursed loudly, how was he crying so much? He was probably dehydrated from how much crying and sweating and then more crying he had done.

He couldn’t bring himself to stop them from falling, letting the hot tears fall from his eyes and roll down his cheeks, staining them once again.   


He bit back the urge to scream out, not wanting anyone to overhear and wonder why the hell a grown man was screaming to himself in an elevator. Instead, he let out a shallow breath and tugged on his hair, the dull sting bringing him some sort of peace.   


Once the doors opened, he quickly wiped his cheeks in case anyone happened to hop on and notice him before stepping out and heading to his hotel room. He’d knew he’d be alone for the next while. Which he didn’t mind, he was quite used to being alone.  


And right now, that’s all he wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m really so sorry. but also no i’m not. anyways, i’m working on this other maylor oneshot that should be published soon. also i’m thinking of doing something with maycury if anyone would be interested in that! <33


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ya’ll i’m so sorry this took so long , i got hit with writer’s block for this story and then i have a bunch of stuff in my drafts that i’m working on so i can give those to u all as well . i hope u enjoy this chapter ! <33

A couple of weeks after that incident, a few new stops and cities in between, the band were loading up their things to head to the airport for their next city. They were heading to New York City and they all felt jazzed and filled with excitement to be in the infamous city for the next several days. Well, almost all of them.

Brian and Roger hadn’t said a thing to each other since the night they kissed. In fact, Brian had hardly said a word to any of them in the past couple days, often erasing himself from the conversation and hiding away by himself. When he didn’t have the chance to hide, he lingered behind them like a ghost, an invisible entity that didn’t feel needed. Probably wasn’t needed. He was too heartbroken and too sad that he couldn’t find the energy to do practically anything. Especially when he was in the same room as the blond who put him through all of this.

Roger, on the other hand, had decided to try and act like nothing had happened. He tried to seem as normal as possible, aside from the fact that he wouldn’t say a word to the guitarist. Freddie and John both saw right through his act but never said anything in fear of making the situation worse from speaking on something that wasn’t their business.

But things weren’t getting better. And it was easy to see, especially during their shows as Brian always seemed to be somewhere else, far away inside his own head. He managed to fake along enough to not alarm any crowds of fans but the rest of the group could tell he wasn’t always there. He hardly was.

“Hello, my love.” Freddie greeted cheerfully as he dropped down in the seat next to Brian. They were going to take off soon and the singer had to take a few pills to calm his nerves from the turbulence that was to soon be expected.

Brian forced out a quiet noise of acknowledgement, barely turning his head to look up. He had his head turned towards the window of the plane, eyes lazily watching the ground below them. His gaze was dazed and distant and Freddie tutted to himself, frowning. 

“Are you excited for New York? All the bright lights? The freaks in the streets? The hustle and bustle?” 

“Sure.” Brian answered monotonously, shoulders rising and then dropping.

Freddie rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers in front of the curly haired male’s face, prompting him to look at him with an arched eyebrow of confusion.

“Oh good, there is still some life left in you.” 

Brian briefly rolled his eyes, swatting his hand away. “Not in the mood, Fred.” 

“Believe me, I’m aware.” The brunette sighed, leaning against him. “You know, it truly does break my heart to see you like this. You’ve been so depressingly sad these past few days.”

He looked down at his hands, a feeling of guilt washing over him. Freddie was right.

Truth be told, he was a walking heartbreak. He knew he was weighing the rest of them down with his own mess, but he couldn’t help it. Every time he saw the blond was just another reminder of how his world had just been destroyed and completely torn apart. His heart ached every moment for Roger, desperately wishing it was a horrible dream and not this nightmare of a reality where he couldn’t seem to escape. Of course, this wasn’t a dream. Because that was just Brian’s fucking luck.

It was also his fucking luck that no matter what he did, nothing could make his undying love for the drummer go away. Nothing could stop him from loving the man with every single ounce in his soul and body, no matter how much he desperately wished something could. It was slowly killing him, it felt like. Slowly being killed by too much love. 

“Too much love will kill you..” He murmured out absent - mindedly, catching Freddie’s attention.

“What was that dear?” He lifted his head up curiously, waiting for the man to repeat his words.

“Too much love will kill you.” Brian parroted, face twisted in anguish as he turned to meet Freddie’s eyes. “Every single time.” 

The man’s face softened and he reached coward, cradling the younger man close to him, holding him in a tight but warm hold.

“You have the most beautiful soul, Brian.” He whispered, the words falling softly into his wild mane of curls. “I promise you that you will find your love. I swear it. Someone like you deserves nothing less.” 

He wasn’t sure when he started crying but he felt warm tears falling down his face as he sniffled quietly, lower lip quivering. “You think so?” 

“I do, my darling.” 

By now, the plane was preparing to take off on the runway and they both felt the steady vibrations of the ground below them as they slowly rolled down the concrete. Brian slowly moved to sit up, reluctant to let go of Freddie’s hold but the singer took his hand in his own almost automatically, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Now preparing for takeoff.” He winked at the guitarist but then immediately paled and gave his hand a nervous squeeze as the airplane began to quickly sore up into the air.

Brian knew of Freddie’s nerves when it came to flying and pushed his own feelings aside for a moment to comfort his friend, sending him a crooked smile.

“Just breathe, Fred.” He said encouragingly, watching as the singer closed his eyes for a moment, probably imagining that he were somewhere else at the moment.

Once he opened his eyes again, they were up in the air and he released a slow breath, relaxing back into his seat. 

“I’m alright.” 

“Yeah, the color’s coming back to your face.” Brian hummed, rolling his eyes again when he felt Freddie burrow next to him, face squished against his neck and shoulder.

“Can I help you?” 

“Actually, it’s me who plans to help you. I’m going to cuddle you until you feel better. Or until you’re sick of me and I’ll let Deaky take my place.” He said as if he was explaining some genius plan, hand waving in the air as he spoke.

Brian sighed to himself, leaning his head back. “You don’t have to do that Fred.” 

“I know. But you’re hurting, Brian. We can all see it. You can’t close yourself off from us, you know. We won’t allow it. Me and John care about you too much. And Roger does too - ”

He winced at hearing the blond’s name, face twisting up. 

“ - he’s just stupid. He is a natural blond, you know.” 

Brian didn’t reply and the singer hadn’t expected him to. He simply tapped Brian’s chest affectionately to let him know it was alright, that he didn’t have to talk right now.

He didn’t have to explain his heartbreak any further. 

Eventually, Freddie dozed off on his shoulder, mouth falling open slightly as he snoozed quietly next to the taller man.

Brian spent a few moments listening to the soft snores, eyes watching the clouds floating by outside. He glanced down at the book in his lap, the same one he had brought before. The one he and Roger had been reading together before. 

With a heavy sigh, he leaned forwards, placing the book in his bag before settling back in his seat, head rolling to the side lazily. 

He cast a glance to the row of seats across from them, gaze landing on the brunette who had his nose buried in a book, muttering softly as he read along.

Brian smiled a bit at the sight of his friend and he seemed to sense he was being stared at, picking his head up to shift his attention to the guitarist. He looked over at him and Brian continued to smile, giving a small wave.

“What?” He asked with a curious smile of his own, head going to the side.

Brian shook his head. “Nothing.” 

He squinted slightly, letting out a small hum before looking over at Freddie. His gaze softened and he shifted a bit in his seat, his smile widening as he watched the singer sleep.

Brian watched with a heavy heart as he could practically feel the love radiating from the two and felt miserable at the fact that he couldn’t have that for himself. He glanced down at his hands, brushing over calluses in a weak attempt to distract himself. 

“Brian,” John called out softly.

Moving his head up, he looked in the direction of his voice and arched an eyebrow as a silent question in response.

“Wake Freddie up.” He motioned at the sleeping man.

Brian furrowed his eyebrows, glancing at the brunette next to him. “Why?” 

“Just do it.”

Oh god, were they going to fuck on the plane?

He cringed to himself before shaking his head and focusing on what was just asked of him. Hesitating for a moment, Brian looked down at the older man for a moment, wondering what he should do. Waking Freddie up could be a dangerous game, especially when he was tired. But he didn’t want to piss of John, who was arguably scarier, and decided to go ahead and do what the man requested.

He gently nudged the dozing man with his arm and when Freddie simply shrugged him off, he sighed and nudged him again.

“Fred, wake up.” He whispered, loud enough for the other to hear.

“Has the plane landed?” The singer mumbled out, eyes remaining closed.

“No.” 

He hummed. “Then leave me be.” 

Brian rolled his eyes and shook his head at John who was watching with a similar expression on his face.

“Freddie, wake up.” 

Hearing John’s voice made the man open his eyes and he turned his head towards him with a yawn.

“Oh, hello my love.” 

Typical.

“Hi. Switch seats with me.” 

That got confused looks from both Freddie and Brian.

“What?” They said in unison. 

“Switch seats. I need to talk to Brian.” 

The guitarist raised his eyebrows. “I’m not in trouble, am I?” 

John shook his head and smiled, while Freddie remained seated, even when the other man stood up.

“I like sitting next to Brian. Roger gets too impatient and cranky on plane rides.” He complained.

“Another reason we’re switching.” John nodded.

“I’m definitely not switching.” Freddie crossed his arms.

“Oh?” The bassist tilted his head before he leaned down, whispering something in the singer’s ear that caused his face to fall slightly before he nodded as the other pulled back.

“You wouldn - Fine.” He sighed and the younger laughed softly as they exchanged seats and he plopped down next to Brian. 

“What’d you say to him?” Brian asked.

“I told him I wouldn’t kiss him for the next week.” 

“I get the feeling you said more than that.”

John shrugged with a small grin. “Maybe I did.” 

Brian couldn’t stifle the laugh that tumbled out of him and lightly pushed John’s shoulder, the younger giggling along with him.

“I think you hang around Freddie too much.” 

“I think so too.” He nodded.

“So what did you need to talk about?” He asked, remembering the brunette’s reason for coming over.

He bit down on his bottom lip and looked away and Brian sighed to himself as he knew exactly what he was going to say. 

“So about - ”

“Before you say anything,” he interrupted, “I’m fine.” 

“Sure you are. Brian, really. You haven’t been yourself in weeks. You’ve barely said a word to any of us, this is the most conversation we’ve had. Don’t think we don’t notice how you sneak off every now and then to go hide. Or when you dissociate yourself from everyone in the middle of a show.” 

The words hit harshly and Brian couldn’t find himself to look the other man in the eye. He knew he was right, they were both right. All he’s done is mope around pathetically, spoiling the mood with his own problems and depressing energy.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured out. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I just - It’s hard. It’s hard watching everyone else fall in love around me and be happy and knowing I can’t have that because the person I love doesn’t even love me back. He - I can’t even be in the same room with him without feeling like I’m going to collapse. No matter what I do, I’m still mad about him. And I’m just constantly suffering while he gets to go to sleep at night not caring.” 

He hadn’t meant to say that much and he quickly apologized, cheeks burning. He felt a hand gently clasp his and he looked up at the bassist who was staring at him dolefully.

“Brian, you don’t need to apologize. There’s nothing you should be sorry for.” He whispered softly. “I wish there was something I could do. Is there something we can do?”

The older man gave a fake smile. “Unless you can make Roger not hate me - ”

“He doesn’t hate you.” 

“Well, he’s made it clear he doesn’t like me.” 

John frowned. 

“Sorry.” Brian looked down.

“S’fine.” 

“I know I probably haven’t been the most fun to be around.” He admitted quietly.

“Not true at all. Besides, compared to the other two, you’re the only one who keeps me sane.” He sighed heavily, both men turning their head when they heard a screech. 

“Oh, so I drive you mad, do I?” Freddie called out from his seat, pointing at accusing finger at the man.

“Absolutely mad.” John deadpanned, pointing back at him. 

“I thought you loved me.” He pretended to sob.

“I love your money.” 

The singer mimicked a dagger going into his heart while letting out pained noises, resulting in him getting whacked in the shoulder by an annoyed blond.

“Cut it out, will you?” Roger grumbled, going back to his magazine with a scowl.

Freddie leaned over towards the other two.

“This is why I don’t like sitting with him. He’s so mean.” 

“I’ll make it up to you later.” John poked his nose.

Freddie batted his eyes. “Promise?” 

John huffed a laugh and nodded.

Brian watched them bicker in amusement before turning his head back towards the window and gazing out at the sky.

Within a few minutes, he was falling asleep.

He was awoken by a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly until he stirred, eyes opening up as he quickly snapped his head up and mumbled something incoherent.

“We’re about to land.” John told him.

He blinked a few times, trying to clear the fog in his head and his eyes and slowly nodding. 

“I slept the whole time?” He asking, yawning.

John smiled. “You did, but we all passed out at one point. Fred was the first to wake up.” 

He nodded, yawning again as the bassist stretched his arms out.

“I almost didn’t want to wake you up. You looked like two little angels, snuggled up to each other. It was a lovely sight.” Freddie cooed, resting his chin on his palm as the other two men blushed.

“Oh, you should see the pictures I got of you two - ” 

“Alright, I’m beginning to wonder how much happened when I was asleep.” Brian joked, causing John to giggle next to him. 

“It’s best if you don’t know.” 

Brian raised his eyebrows. “Oh, now I’m really curious.”

He grinned evilly at the guitarist.

“We’re now preparing to land.” The pilot’s voice came overhead. “Please keep your seatbelts fastened...” 

The two men looked down to make sure they were still fastened in and Brian tapped the buckle before leaning back against the seat.

“New York, here we come..” He heard John murmur softly.

After they had landed and made it through the airport, there was a driver assigned to take them to their hotel. Fortunately, the hotel they were staying at was much larger than the ones before and each bandmate was able to have their own hotel room and all the privacy in the world.

 _Thank fuck_. Brian thought to himself as he picked up his keycard. He couldn’t imagine possibly having to spend another series of nights sleeping in the same room as Roger. He could hardly breathe just standing in the hotel lobby next to him. And as much as he appreciated Freddie and John, he needed time alone to try and get himself together.

Though, he was sure the other two would be too busy with each other to worry. 

Once they all made it to their rooms, Brian shut the door behind him and let out a long sigh as he took in his surroundings. It was roomier than he expected and there was a small tv in the corner of the room along with a mini fridge and a coffee pot. He peeked into the bathroom and was glad to see an adjustable shower head attached to the shower, his towering height for once not going to be an issue when showering. 

“Gotta love New York.” He hummed, setting his bag down on the floor and sitting on the bed. 

They had sound check later that evening for the show tomorrow and he wondered if he could get a small nap in before it was time to leave. He had a few hours. He decided he would do just that and laid back, sinking into the mattress and resting his head against the pillows. 

Fuck, this bed was comfortable.

Shutting his eyes, he relaxed himself as he sighed softly through his nose, feeling sleep beginning to pull him once again. He soon fell into a light slumber and his head rolled to the side, faint snores leaving him as he slept. 

A knock came at his door. 

It startled him out of his sleep and he jolted awake, body tensing before he relaxed, pressing a hand to his forehead. 

“Of course.” He huffed, opening his eyes and sitting up. The person knocked again and he cursed under his breath before going over to the door and opening it. 

He nearly shit himself seeing who it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find out who’s at his door in the next chapter (;


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is shorter than usual but it’s definitely interesting ! and the next one will be longer . let me know what u guys think so far <33

“Hi, Brian.” 

He blinked several times, trying to figure out if he was actually seeing this or if he was going insane. 

“It’s.. It’s been a little while. Sorry to just show up like this.” 

“Chrissie?” He asked softly, mouth dropping open as the realization set in. She gave a small smile and an awkward wave, fiddling with her hands as she stood in his doorway.

Confused, he scratched the back of his neck, staring at her and waiting for her to explain as to what she was doing here. And how did she know they were in New York? When she didn’t say anything, he awkwardly cleared his throat.

“Uh, what - what are you doing here? Not that I’m not happy that you’re here — ” 

“Oh, right.” She nodded, straightening up. “I’ve been in New York taking a trip, plan to go to different cities around America. I needed a few weeks away from London. I’m staying here at the hotel and I ran into Freddie in the lobby. He told me you and the band were on tour and were staying here for the next few nights and then I asked about you and he sent me up here. Let me tell you, it’s quite a surprise to see you here.” She explained, rushing a bit as she spoke.

“Oh.” He spoke slowly. “Well, quite a suprise to see you here as well. A good one. Here, come in.” He said, moving out of the way and motioning her inside. She gave another smile before shuffling in, keeping her arms crossed over her chest. 

She was a bit awkward, much like himself, which was what first attracted him to her and why they had clicked so well. They had broken up on really good terms, they had just grown apart when the band was beginning to take off, and even remained friends after. It had been a while since he’d last seen her and he had to admit, it was nice to see a friendly face that wasn’t one of the other guys.

Closing the door, he turned to her and took in her appearance. She hadn’t changed much, her hair was a bit shorter and she seemed to be wearing more makeup than she normally did. She looked great, he thought, happier. He reached out to give her a hug and she gladly accepted it, wrapping her much shorter arms around him. 

“It’s good to see you.” He murmured, giving her a small squeeze.

“You too, Bri. I’ve missed you.” She hummed before pulling back and smiling up at him. He smiled back and nodded over towards his makeshift kitchen. 

“Can I get you anything to drink? I’ve got tea, water, probably some whiskey..” 

“Just some water is alright, thank you.” She nodded and he slipped away to grab her a bottle. He noticed how she still seemed a bit fidgety, glancing around the room from where she stood, not making any movements to sit down. 

“You can have a seat, if you’d like.” He said, motioning at the bed and Chrissie hesitated before she walked over, sitting down on the edge of the bed and crossing her legs. 

“I’m sorry.. I don’t mean to be so.. so off-putting.. I just wasn’t expecting to find myself here.” She said with an apologetic smile, her hair falling over her face as she looked down.

“I understand. But you’re not being off - putting, trust me.” Brian said as he walked over to her with a bottle in his hand. She quietly thanked him and he sat down next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I really am happy to see you, Chris. How have you been doing?” He asked, interested to know what she had been up to since they had last caught up.

“Well,” she started, uncapping her bottle. “Aside from the traveling, I’ve booked a few modeling gigs. Nothing too major, just enough to get my name out there and get some nice paychecks.” She explained enthusiastically, taking a sip.

His eyebrows raised up in suprise and he smiled brightly at her.

“Really? Chrissie, that’s great! That’s really great.” He said, leaning in to hug her again. She hugged him back and he heard her laugh against him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“It is, isn’t it? I’m really excited.” She pulled away, adjusting herself before her face lit up and she turned to him. “How is the band going by the way? The tour?” She asked, tilting her head.

“Oh, Queen? It’s - It’s great. Yeah, we just released the new album.” He explained, grinning brightly. It felt nice to talk about his group with her, the pride he felt for them and their success.

“Right, your album. One of my friends has just bought it, actually. We were listening to it a couple of weeks ago. It’s really amazing.” She gushed. 

Brian let out a pleased laugh as he asked, “So which is your favorite song? If you’ve got one.” 

She pursed her lips as she thought about it, eyebrows furrowing.

“Oh gosh, I don’t know.. I mean, Bohemian Rhapsody is obviously amazing. But then again, I really love uh, ‘39, was it? That one is really lovely.”

Brian grinned again, cheeks flushing at the mention of his very own song. “That’s the first time someone’s mentioned ‘39. You like my song?” 

“Of course I do. It’s so.. you. And I think the story you tell in it is beautiful. You should write more songs like it, you’ve really got a way with words.” 

He was glad to hear that someone appreciated and loved the song as much as he did. Most people tended to focus solely on Bohemian Rhapsody that they overlooked some of the hidden gems that could be found on the album as well. He appreciated Chrissie’s praise and even felt a bit emboldened on his song writing skills. Brian found that talking to her was like a breath of fresh air, helping him escape all of his troubles he had been previously caught up in, and giving him a chance at a moment’s piece with someone he cared deeply for.

“Hey,” He said suddenly, nudging her shoulder. “I’ve got some time to kill before we’ve got sound rehearsal this evening.” 

She looked up at him and her eyes lit up in curiosity. “Oh?”

He nodded, giving a toothy smile. “Yeah. You wanna go grab a bite to eat?” 

“Like, right now?” 

“Like, right now.”

“I could eat, yeah.” She gave a nod, scrunching her nose up as she laughed. “There’s a place a couple blocks from here that I went to a couple days ago when I first got here. They’ve got amazing food.” 

“Really?” He hummed as he stood up, grabbing his jacket and pulling on his shoes. “It isn’t all meat, is it?” 

She shook her head as she stood up as well, smoothing out the sundress she was wearing and pulling her jacket around her shoulders. 

“No, if I remember correctly, they had a vegan section on their menu. My friend, Joan, is a vegan as well and we went together.” 

“Wonderful.” Brian sighed in relief as he grabbed his key card and slid it into his jeans. He patted his back pocket to make sure he also had his wallet as well as Chrissie moved towards the door. 

Opening it up, he let her go out first before slipping out himself and walking down the hall. 

They stayed close to each as they took the lift down to the lobby, gingerly enjoying each other’s company. 

As they reached the floor of the lobby, Brian absentmindedly took Chrissie’s hand in his as they made their way out. She didn’t voice any complaints at the action and simply followed after him, occasionally smiling up at him. 

As they walked closer, Freddie and John, along with Paul, came into view and Brian wondered just how much time they actually spent down in the lobby and not in their rooms. 

“Darlings!” Freddie called when he spotted the other two and a wide grin spread over his face as they walked closer. “I see you’ve found each other then.” 

“Chris here told me that you sent her up to find me.” Brian said with his own small grin, releasing the woman’s hand when John went to her for a hug. He watched as they squeezed each other, murmuring soft hello’s.

“Hey, where’s Roger?” Chrissie asked aloud, head poking up as she realized she’d seen all the group members except for the blond.

Almost as if he’d sensed it, Roger was rounding the corner, shades perched on the tip of his nose and an unlit cigarette in his hands.

“Someone call for me?” 

“Chrissie’s here.” John announced, beckoning him over. Roger’s eyebrows rose up as he slowly walked over, glancing between the group. 

“Oh.. hey.” 

“Hi, Rog.” 

Brian watched the awkward exchange and noticed Roger’s obvious stiffness from where he stood. He felt Freddie poke his shoulder and he turned around to find the singer smirking at him.

“What?” He asked with a confused stare.

“I saw the way you two were smiling at each other,” He said lowly, glancing between him and Chrissie who was now giggling about something with their bassist while Roger stood on his own. “Holding hands?” He waggled his eyebrows.

Brian felt his face heat up and he shook his head, giving an easy smile. “We haven’t seen each other in a while, Fred. She’s important to me, you know. Besides, we’re just catching up.. and grabbing lunch.” He added the last part quietly and watched as the older man’s face lit up.

“Grabbing lunch!” He exclaimed loudly, catching the attention of the other three. Brian rolled his eyes as he braced himself for the teasing he knew was bound to come from Freddie or John. Most likely Freddie. 

“Yes, Fred. We’re grabbing lunch. We just got off the plane and I haven’t eaten all day.” Brian said flatly and he heard Chrissie snicker behind him.

“I hope you don’t mind me stealing him for a little while.” She said, winking at Freddie.

“Oh, not at all my dear. As long as he’s back by four. Have a wonderful time you two.” Freddie beamed with pleasure, waving them off.

“Thanks, Fred.” Brian muttered quietly, wrapping a loose arm around Chrissie’s shoulders. Neither of them saw the scowl on Roger’s face as they walked towards the doors, Freddie blowing them a kiss as they left.

“What’s the matter with you?” John asked as he noticed the angry look on Roger’s face, hands clenched at his sides. Freddie turned around as well and raised his eyebrows, hands going to his hips. 

“Someone doesn’t look too happy.” 

“Fuck off, the both of you.” Roger grumbled, stalking past them to the doors. “I’m goin’ for a smoke.”

As he walked away, the two men turned to each other with similar expression written across both of their faces. 

“I think I know what’s going on.” John sighed.

Freddie nodded. “Whatever you’re thinking, I’m probably thinking as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> supriseeeeee !

**Author's Note:**

> so we’re already off to a great start. if there are any mistakes, comment below (:


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